Dallas Cowboys Jokes
Q: Why did Tony Romo cross the road?
A: To get to the hospital on the other side!
Q: Did you hear about the joke that Tony Romo told his receivers?
A: It went over their heads.
Q: Why can't Tony Romo use the phone anymore?
A: Because he can't find the receiver.
Q: Why are the Dallas Cowboys like Hillary Clinton?
A: Both have Bills to push around.
Q: When was the last time cowboys beat anyone?
A: When Dez Bryant beat his mama.
Q: How many Dallas Cowboys does it take to win a Super Bowl?
A: Only two, Emmitt Smith and Troy Aikman, and they are both retired.
Q: What did the Giants say to the Cowboys?
A: Look at my Super bowl Ring
Q: What do the Dallas Cowboys and a Chick-Fil-A manager have in common?
A: Neither one shows up for work on Sunday.
Q: What's the difference between John Wayne Bobbitt and Jerry Jones?
A: Jones cut off his own Johnson.
Q: What does Brokeback Mountain and the NFL have in common?
A: The Cowboys both suck.
Q: How many Cowboys fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None they are happy living in New Yorks shadow!
Q: What can the Dallas Cowboys and their cheerleaders do together but not apart?
A: Score.
Q: What do they call a drug ring in Dallas?
A: The huddle.
Tony Romo just threw his iPhone 5 in frustration but it was intercepted and returned for a touchdown.
Q: What Does the Dallas Cowboys and the movie "Broke Back Mountain" have in common?
A: They both have cowboys that suck!
Q: What do the Cowboys and the Post Office have in common?
A: Neither deliver on Sundays!
Q: Why is Tony Romo unable to answer a telephone?
A: He can't find the receiver.
Q: What did the Cowboys fan say after his team won the Super Bowl?
A: "Dammit mom, why'd you wake me up? I was having an amazing dream!"
Q. How are the Dallas Cowboys like my neighbors?
A. They can't pick up a single yard!
Q: Want to hear a Cowboys joke?
A: Tony Romo!
Q: What is the best thing Tony Romo ever did in the Cowboys Stadium?
A: Jessica Simpson!
Q: Why is Tony Romo like a grizzly bear?
A: Every fall he goes into hibernation.
Q: How many people does it take to beat the Cowboys?
A: Only 1 - Wade Phillips
Q: Why does Michael Irvin cry during sex?
A: Pepper Spray.
Q: Why was Barry Switzer carrying a gun?
A: He was practicing the Run and Shoot.
Q: What's Jerry Jones biggest Collective Bargining concern
A: Does Bail Money count against the Salary Cap?
Q: Why can't Michael Irvin get into a huddle on the field anymore?
A: It is a parole violation for him to associate with known felons.
Q: Did you know the Cowboys had a 11 and 5 season this year.
A: 11 arrests, 5 convictions.
Q: What do you say to a Dallas Cowboy in a suit?
A: Will the defendant please rise.
Q: What's the difference between the Dallas Cowboys and a dollar bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
Q: What do the Dallas Cowboys and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!
Q: What is the difference between a Cowboys fan and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after awhile.
Q: How many Dallas Cowboys does it take to change a tire?
A: One, unless it's a blowout, in which case they all show up
Q: What do you call 53 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A: The Dallas Cowboys.
Q: What do the Dallas Cowboys and Billy Graham have in common?
A: They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ".
Q: How do you keep an Dallas Cowboys out of your yard?
A: Put up goal posts.
Q: What do the Cowboys and vacuums have in common?
A: They both suck
Q: What do the Dallas Cowboys and the mailman have in common?
A: Neither deliver on Sunday night.
Q: Why are so many Dallas Cowboys players claiming they have the Swine Flu?
A: So They don't have to touch the pigskin!
Q: What is a Dallas Cowboys fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat New York."
Q: How do you stop an Dallas Cowboys fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in Washington Red and Yellow!
Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and an Dallas Cowboys fan?
A: The bucket.
Q: If you have a car containing a Cowboys wide receiver, a Cowboys linebacker, and a Cowboys defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.
Q: How do you casterate an Dallas Cowboys fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth
Q: What should you do if you find three Dallas Cowboys football fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.
Q: What's the difference between an Dallas Cowboys fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
Q. How did the Dallas Cowboys fan die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!
Q: What's the best way to teach your dog to roll over and play dead?
A: Have him watch a couple Dallas Cowboys games.
Q: What does a Dallas Cowboys fan do when his team has won the Super Bowl?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.
Q: What do you call a Dallas Cowboy in the Super Bowl?
A: A referee.
Q: Did you hear that Dallas's football team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.
Q: How many Dallas Cowboys fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don't burn out man!
Q: What does a Dallas Cowboys fan and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: Why do Dallas Cowboys fans keep their season tickets on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.
Q: How do the Cowboys spend the first week of training camp?
A: Studying the Miranda Rights
Q: When is the last time the Cowboys beat the Redskins?
A: When they gave the Redskins small pox filled blankets.
Q: Why should Texas succeed from the union?
A: So the Cowboys will no longer be "America's Team".
Q: How do you keep a Cowboys fan from masterbating?
A: You paint his dick New Orleans gold and he won't beat it for years!
Q: Why do the Dallas Cowboys want to change their name to the Dallas Tampons?
A: Because they are only good for one period and do not have a second string!
Q: What's the difference between the Dallas Cowboys & the Taliban?
A: The Taliban has a running game!
Q: Where do you go in Dallas in case of a tornado?
A: Cowboys Stadium - they never get a touchdown there!
Q. Why do ducks fly over Cowboys stadium upside down?
A. There's nothing worth craping on!
Q: Why doesn't El Paso have a professional football team?
A: Because then Dallas would want one.
Q: Why are Dallas Cowboys jokes getting dumber and dumber??
A: Because Cowboys fans have started to make them up themselves.
Q: What's the difference between Dallas Cowboys fans and mosquitoes?
A: Mosquitoes are only annoying in the summer.
Q: What's the difference between the Dallas Cowboys and a pinball machine?
A: The pinball machine scores more points.
Did you hear that AT&T Stadium had to be resodded?
Thats really sad when you cant even get your own grass to root for you!
According to a new poll 91 percent of people are satisfied with their lives.
The other 9 percent are Dallas Cowboys fans.
Can a Dallas Cowboys player drive a stick?
Only if they remove the clutch.
My wife was about to put my son in a Dallas Cowboys jersey, but I reminded her it was a choking hazard.
I took my broken vacuum cleaner back to the store.
They put a Cowboys jersey on it and now it sucks again.
Son: What's a touchdown?
Dad: I'm not sure son, we're Dallas Cowboys fans.
Why did the Dallas Cowboys fan cross the road.....I was thinking when I accelerated.
Tony Romo continues to impress, he managed to complete 5 passes to the Chicago Bears on Monday Night..... Someone should tell him he plays for the Dallas Cowboys.
After the game, Tony Romo threw his helmet towards the sideline in disgust and that too was intercepted.
I pass out so much candy to other kids during Halloween my children call me Tony Romo.
I put a Cowboys logo on an airplane and now it can't touchdown.
Are you scared of catching the flu? Just hang in the Cowboys end zone, they don't catch anything there.
I used to be a Dallas Cowboys fan, but now I know it was just Romosexual Tendencies.
Did you hear, Tony Romo's cronic chocking is covered by Obamacare.
You can't spell homo without Tony Romo.
A Dallas Cowboys fan doesn't always eat pastries, but when he does it's usually a turnover.
Brett Favre is losing his memory, meanwhile the rest of us are trying to forget that Tony Romo plays football.
I want to buy Dallas Cowboys fans a Smirnoff Ice because wearing a Tony Romo jersey is not the 1st unmanly thing they've done
The Dallas Cowboys are opening a Victoria's Secret inside Cowboys stadium, making it easier for Tony Romo to change his panties between drives.
Giants Fan
On the first day of school a first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Dallas Cowboys fan.
She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Cowboys fans.
Wanting to impress their teacher, everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl.
The teacher looks at the girl with surprise, 'Janie, why didn't you raise your hand?'
Because I'm not a Cowboys fan,' she replied.
The teacher, still shocked, asked, 'Well, if you are not a Cowboys fan, then who are you a fan of?'
'I am a Giants fan, and proud of it,' Janie replied.
The teacher could not believe her ears. 'Janie please tell us why you are a Giants fan?'
"Because my mom is a Giants fan, and my dad is Giants fan, so I'm a Giants fan too!"
"Well," said the teacher in a obviously annoyed tone, 'that is no reason for you to be a Giants fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mom was an idiot and your dad was a moron, what would you be then?'
"Then," Janie smiled, 'I'd be a Cowboys fan.'
4 Football Fans
A Redskins fan, an Eagles fan, a Cowboys fan, and a Giants fan are climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves his team more.
The Redskins fan insists he is the most loyal. 'This is for the Redskins! ' he yells, and jumps off the side of the mountain.
Not to be outdone, the Eagles fan shouts, 'This is for the Eagles!' and throws himself off the mountain.
The Giants fan is next to profess his love for his team.
He yells, 'This is for everyone!' and pushes the Cowboys fan off the mountain.
Straight To Hell
A guy dies and goes straight to hell. His first day the devil comes around and asks, "Well buddy is it hot enough for ya down here?"
The guy replies, "Aw, Ahm from Texas. We get hotter days than this in Houston in the springtime."
This pisses the devil off so he goes over and turns the thermostat up.
Next day it's the same thing: "Is it hot enough for ya now Tex?"
And the Texan says, "Aw, we get hotter days than this in Del Rio in the wintertime."
Pissed off again, the devil turns up the thermostat some more.
So it goes day after day. The devil asks if its hot enough for the Texan, the Texan names another Texas city that's hotter than hell, and the devil turns up the temperature some more.
After a while the fires are really roarin', the smoke is blowin', and the brimstone is boilin'. One Sunday morning the the devil asks again how Tex likes the weather.
Tex says, "Aw, the smoke and the fire don't bother me. I used to live over on the east side of Dallas by an oil refinery. And the stink ain't no problem. When the wind blew in from Pasadena, it was a lot worse than down here. So if ya could just get the temperature up a little higher, raise the humidity up to 100%, throw in a hurricane and a storm surge and half a dozen tornados and 57 trillion mosquitos as big as turkey buzzards... why, I thing I could be as comfortable here as I was back home in Dallas.
That really pissed the devil off and he went to turn the thermostat up again. BUT, it was already all the way up, and heat didn't seem to bother Tex anyway. There was only one thing to do: he turned the thermostat ALL THE WAY DOWN! The temperature started fallin' like a stone. By evening it was COLD! So he went to see the Dallas man. The guy was obviously miserable, coated in ice, blue and shiverin', with ice hanging from his ears. This pleased the devil 'cause he's in the torment business. He sneers at the man from Dallas and asks "Well Tex, how do ya like this weather?"
Tex is shiverin' so hard he can hardly talk. He says, "Can't really say I care for it much." Then he gives the devil a great big smile and says "But I guess it's worth it." The devil says, "What the hell you mean 'It's worth it'? And why are you so damned happy?" The Dallas man replies, "Well with hell bein' froze over and all, it must mean Tony Romo finally won the Super Bowl!"
Child Welfare
A seven-year old boy was at the center of a Fulton County courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible.
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her.
When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him.
After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.
After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the Child Welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Dallas Cowboys, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.
Tony Romo
Tony Romo walks into a sperm donor bank in London...
"I'd like to donate some sperm" he says to the receptionist.
"Certainly Sir" replies the receptionist, "have you donated before?".
"Yes" replies Tony "you should have my details on your computer".
"Oh yes, I've found your details" says the receptionist "but I see you're going to need help. Shall I call your wife for you?"
"Why do I need help?" asks Tony. The receptionist replies
"Well, it says on your record that you're a useless wanker...."
Condoms
What's clear and goes on a prick? A clear condom,
What's black and goes on a prick? A black condom,
What's royal blue and silver and goes on a prick? A Cowboys Jersey.
Thats A Problem
What do you call 10 Dallas Cowboys fans on the moon?
A problem.
What do you call 100 Dallas Cowboys fans on the moon?
A problem.
What do you call 1000 Dallas Cowboys fans on the moon?
Still a problem.
What do you call all of the Dallas Cowboys fans on the moon?
PROBLEM SOLVED!
Cowboys Fan
A Cowboys fan dies on match day and goes to heaven in his Royal Blue and Silver jersey. He knocks on the old pearly gates and out walks St. Peter.
"Hello mate" says St. Peter, "I'm sorry, no Cowboys fans in heaven."
"What?" exclaims the man, astonished.
"You heard, no Cowboys fans."
"But, but, but, I've been a good man", replies the Cowboys supporter.
"Oh really", says St. Peter. "What have you done, then?"
"Well" said the supporter, "Three weeks before I died, I gave 100 dollars to the starving children in Africa".
"Oh" says St.Peter. "anything else?"
"Well, 2 weeks before I died I also gave 100 dollars to the homeless."
"Hmmm. Anything else?"
"Yeah. A week before I died I gave 100 dollars to the Albanian orphans."
"Okay", said St. Peter, "You wait here a minute while I have a word with the god."
Ten minutes pass before St. Peter returns.
He looks the bloke in the eye and says, "I've had a word with God and he agrees with me. Here's your $300 dollars back, now f**k off".