Atlanta Falcons Jokes
Q: How many Atlanta Falcons does it take to win a Super Bowl?
A: Nobody knows and we may never find out!
Q: What do you call an Atlanta Falcon with a Super Bowl ring?
A: A thief.
Q: What's the difference between the Atlanta Falcons and a dollar bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
Q: Did you hear about the joke that Matt Ryan told his receivers?
A: It went over their heads.
Q: Why can't Matt Ryan use the phone anymore?
A: Because he can't find the receiver.
Q: What do the Atlanta Falcons and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!
Q: How many Falcons fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None they are happy living in New Orleans shadow!
Q: What's the best part about dating a Falcons fan?
A: She won't be asking for a ring!
Q: What's the difference between the Falcons and cigarettes?
A: Sean Payton doesn't smoke cigarettes
Q: What is the difference between a Falcons fan and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after awhile.
Q: What do the Atlanta Falcons and a Chick-Fil-A manager have in common?
A: Neither one shows up for work on Sunday.
Q: What did the Falcons fan say after his team won the Super Bowl?
A: "Dammit mom, why'd you wake me up? I was having an amazing dream!"
Q: How do you know the Atlanta Police are seriously enforcing the Speed Limits into Atlanta.
A: For the first offense, they give you two Atlanta Falcons tickets. If you get stopped a second time, they make you use them.
Q. How are the Falcons like my neighbors?
A. They can't pick up a single yard!
Q: Want to hear a Falcons joke?
A: Tevin Coleman!
Q: What do the Falcons and the Post Office have in common?
A: Neither deliver on Sundays!
Q: Why is Tevin Coleman like a grizzly bear?
A: Every fall he goes into hibernation.
Q: How many Atlanta Falcons does it take to change a tire?
A: One, unless it's a blowout, in which case they all show up
Q: What do you call 53 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A: The Atlanta Falcons.
Q: What do the Atlanta Falcons and Billy Graham have in common?
A: They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ".
Q: How do you keep an Atlanta Falcons out of your yard?
A: Put up goal posts.
Q: Why are so many Atlanta Falcons players claiming they have the Swine Flu?
A: So They don't have to touch the pigskin!
Q: What do the Falcons and the mailman have in common?
A: Neither deliver on Sunday Night.
Q: What is a Atlanta Falcons fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat New Orleans."
Q: How do you stop an Atlanta Falcons fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in New Orleans Black and Gold!
Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and an Atlanta Falcons fan?
A: The bucket.
Q: If you have a car containing a Falcons wide receiver, a Falcons linebacker, and a Falcons defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.
Q: How do you casterate an Atlanta Falcons fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth
Q: What should you do if you find three Atlanta Falcons football fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.
Q: What's the difference between an Atlanta Falcons fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
Q. How did the Atlanta Falcons fan die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!
Q: Did you hear about the blonde burglar?
A: He broke into the Atlanta Falcons' trophy room.
Q: What does an Atlanta Falcons fan do when his team has won the Super Bowl?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.
Q: What's the best way to teach your dog to roll over and play dead?
A: Have him watch a couple Atlanta Falcons football games.
Q: What do you call an Atlanta Falcon in the Super Bowl?
A: A referee.
Q: Did you hear that Atlanta's football team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.
Q: How many Atlanta Falcons fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don't burn out man!
Q: What does a Atlanta Falcons fan and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: Why do Atlanta Falcons fans keep their season tickets on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.
Q: How do the Falcons spend the first week of training camp?
A: Studying the Miranda Rights
Q: How do you keep a Falcons fan from masterbating?
A: You paint his dick New Orleans gold and he won't beat it for years!
Q: Why do the Atlanta Falcons want to change their name to the Atlanta Tampons?
A: Because they are only good for one period and do not have a second string!
Q: What's the difference between the Atlanta Falcons & the Taliban?
A: The Taliban has a running game!
Q: Where do you go in Atlanta in case of a tornado?
A: The Georgia Dome they never get a touchdown there!
Q. Why do ducks fly over the Georgia Dome upside down?
A. There's nothing worth craping on!
Q: What's the difference between the Atlanta Falcons and a pinball machine?
A: The pinball machine scores more points.
Q: Why doesn't Duluth have a professional football team?
A: Because then Atlanta would want one.
Q: Why are Atlanta Falcons jokes getting dumber and dumber??
A: Because Falcons fans have started to make them up themselves.
Q: What's the difference between Atlanta Falcons fans and mosquitoes?
A: Mosquitoes are only annoying in the summer.
Can a Atlanta Falcons player drive a stick?
Only if they remove the clutch.
My wife was about to put my son in an Atlanta Falcons jersey, but I reminded her it was a choking hazard.
Did you hear that the Georgia Dome had to be resodded?
Thats really sad when you cant even get your own grass to root for you!
Son: What's a touchdown?
Dad: I'm not sure son, we're Atlanta Falcons fans.
According to a new poll 91 percent of people are satisfied with their lives.
The other 9 percent are Atlanta Falcons fans.
I took my broken vacuum cleaner back to the store.
They put a Falcons jersey on it and now it sucks again.
Why did the Atlanta Falcons fan cross the road.....I was thinking when I accelerated.
Are you scared of catching the flu? Just hang in the Falcons end zone, they don't catch anything there.
I put a Falcons logo on an airplane and now it can't touchdown.
A Falcons fan doesn't always eat pastries, but when he does it's usually a turnover.
Child Welfare
A seven-year old boy was at the center of a Fulton County courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him. After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.
After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the Child Welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Atlanta Falcons, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.
Falcons Fan
On the first day of school a first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Saints fan.
She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Saints fans.
Wanting to impress their teacher, everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl.
The teacher looks at the girl with surprise, 'Janie, why didn't you raise your hand?'
Because I'm not a Saints fan,' she replied.
The teacher, still shocked, asked, 'Well, if you are not a Saints fan, then who are you a fan of?'
'I am a Falcons fan, and proud of it,' Janie replied.
The teacher could not believe her ears. 'Janie please tell us why you are a Falcons fan?'
"Because my mom is a Falcons fan, and my dad is Falcons fan, so I'm a Falcons fan too!"
"Well," said the teacher in a obviously annoyed tone, 'that is no reason for you to be a Falcons fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mom was an idiot and your dad was a moron, what would you be then?'
"Then," Janie smiled, 'I'd be a Saints fan.'
4 Football Fans
A Redskins fan, an Eagles fan, a Falcons fan, and a Saints fan are climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves his team more.
The Redskins fan insists he is the most loyal. 'This is for the Redskins! ' he yells, and jumps off the side of the mountain.
Not to be outdone, the Eagles fan shouts, 'This is for the Eagles!' and throws himself off the mountain.
The Saints fan is next to profess his love for his team.
He yells, 'This is for everyone!' and pushes the Falcons fan off the mountain.