Utah Jazz Jokes
Q: What do you call an Utah Jazz player with a championship ring?
A: A thief.
Q: What's the difference between the Utah Jazz and a dollar bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
Q: What do the Utah Jazz and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!
Q: What is the difference between a Jazz fan and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after awhile.
Q: How many Utah Jazz players does it take to change a tire?
A: One, unless it's a blowout, in which case they all show up
Q: What do you call 12 millionaires around a TV watching the NBA Finals?
A: The Utah Jazz.
Q: How do you keep an Utah Jazz player out of your yard?
A: Put up a basketball net.
Q: What is a Utah Jazz fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat Los Angeles."
Q: How do you stop an Utah Jazz fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in Los Angeles Purple and Gold!
Q: What do the Utah Jazz and a nail have in common?
A: They are both good till they hit the wood.
Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and an Utah Jazz fan?
A: The bucket.
Q: If you have a car containing a Jazz power forward, a Jazz point guard, and a Jazz center, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.
Q: How do you casterate an Utah Jazz fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth
Q: What should you do if you find three Utah Jazz basketball fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.
Q: What's the difference between an Utah Jazz fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
Q. How did the Utah Jazz fan die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!
Q: What does an Utah Jazz fan do when his team has won the NBA Finals?
A: He turns off the PlayStation 3.
Q: How many Utah Jazz fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don't burn out man!
Q: What does a Utah Jazz fan and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: Why do Utah Jazz fans keep their season tickets on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.
Q: How do the Jazz spend the first week of training camp?
A: Studying the Miranda Rights
Q: How do you keep a Jazz fan from masterbating?
A: You paint his dick Los Angeles purple and gold and he won't beat it for years!
Q. Why do ducks fly over EnergySolutions Arena upside down?
A. There's nothing worth craping on!
Q: Why doesn't Nevada have a professional basketball team?
A: Because then Utah would want one.
Q: What do you call a Utah Jazz player in the NBA Finals?
A: A referee.
Q: Did you hear that Utah's basketball team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.
Q: Why are Utah Jazz jokes getting dumber and dumber?
A: Because Jazz fans have started to make them up themselves.
Q: What's the difference between the Utah Jazz and a pinball machine?
A: You can score more points against the Jazz.
According to a new poll 91 percent of people are satisfied with their lives.
The other 9 percent are Utah Jazz fans.
I took my broken vacuum cleaner back to the store.
They put an Utah Jazz jersey on it and now it sucks again.
Can a Utah Jazz player drive a stick?
Only if they remove the clutch.
My wife was about to put my son in a Utah Jazz jersey, but I reminded her it was a choking hazard.
Why did the Utah Jazz fan cross the road.....I was thinking when I accelerated.
I heard Donald Trump is going to build a wall with all the bricks the Utah Jazz laid tonight.
An Utah Jazz fan doesn't always eat pastries, but when he does it's usually a turnover.
Jazz Fan
A Jazz fan dies on match day and goes to heaven in his Navy, Gold and Green jersey. He knocks on the old pearly gates and out walks St. Peter.
"Hello mate" says St. Peter, "I'm sorry, no Jazz fans in heaven."
"What ?" exclaims the man, astonished.
"You heard, no Jazz fans."
"But, but, but, I've been a good man", replies the Jazz supporter.
"Oh really", says St. Peter. "What have you done, then ?"
"Well" said the supporter, "Three weeks before I died, I gave 100 dollars to the starving children in Africa".
"Oh" says St.Peter. "anything else?"
"Well, 2 weeks before I died I also gave 100 dollars to the homeless."
"Hmmm. Anything else?"
"Yeah. A week before I died I gave 100 dollars to the Albanian orphans."
"Okay", said St. Peter, "You wait here a minute while I have a word with the god."
Ten minutes pass before St. Peter returns.
He looks the bloke in the eye and says, "I've had a word with God and he agrees with me. Here's your $300 dollars back, now fuck off".
Genie
A Jazz fan and a Lakers fan stumble upon a magic lamp.
The Jazz fan gets to it first, picks it up and gives it a rub. There's a flash, a puff of smoke, and a genie appears
The genie looks at the 2 men and demands to know who it was that rubbed the lamp. Delighted, the Jazz fan announces that it was him.
"Okay," says the genie, "So you get 3 wishes. But there's a catch."
"What's that then?" asks the 'Gers fan.
"Well, whatever you wish for, I'll give the other guy double."
"That's alright with me," says the Jazz fan, and starts the ball rolling by wishing for a million pounds.
"Granted!" says the genie, "But the Lakers fan gets 2 million."
"Fair enough. Now, I'd like a nice new Ferrari,"
"Done. But the Lakers fan gets 2 Ferraris."
"Okay," says the Jazz fan, "I'd like to donate a kidney.
Andrei Kirilenko
Andrei Kirilenko walks into a sperm donor bank in London...
"I'd like to donate some sperm" he says to the receptionist.
"Certainly Sir" replies the receptionist, "have you donated before?".
"Yes" replies Andrei "you should have my details on your computer".
"Oh yes, I've found your details" says the receptionist "but I see you're going to need help. Shall I call your wife for you?"
"Why do I need help?" asks Andrei . The receptionist replies
"Well, it says on your record that you're a useless wanker...."
Condoms
What's clear and goes on a prick? A clear condom,
What's black and goes on a prick? A black condom,
What's navy, gold and green and goes on a prick? A Utah Jazz Jersey.
Thats A Problem
What do you call 10 Utah Jazz fans on the moon?
A problem.
What do you call 100 Utah Jazz fans on the moon?
A problem.
What do you call 1000 Utah Jazz fans on the moon?
Still a problem.
what do you call all of the Utah Jazz fans on the moon?
PROBLEM SOLVED!