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Islamic Jokes


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Q: How do you tell a Sunni from a Shiite?
A: The Sunnis are the ones with the Shiite blown out of them.

Q: How does every Islamic joke start?
A: By looking over your shoulder.

Q: What's the difference between a Muslim and a vampire?
A: At some point the vampire will stop being bloodthirsty.

Q: What's the difference between Mike Tyson and Osama Bin Laden?
A: Mike Tyson can take a shot to the head.

Q: Did you hear about the Catholic Iraqi?
A: He was a Shite Muslim.

Q: Did you hear about the winner of the Islam beauty contest?
A: Me neither.

Q: How do you play Taliban bingo?
A: B-52...F-16...B-1...

Q: What do you call a drunken Muslim?
A: Mohammered.

Q: What do you call an evil Muslim?
A: Mu Ha Ha Ha Med.

Q: How did you get out of Iraq?
A: Iran

Q: What do you call a Muslim on a toilet?
A: Islamic Relief.

Q: What is the most popular kids show in the Middle East?
A: Dora the Exploder!

Q: What did the Muslim train conductor say?
A: Allah board.

Q: A muslim, a socialist, and a communist walk into a bar.
A: The bartender says hello Mr. President.

Q: Do you know what the secret of an islamic marriage is?
A: The man get's to see a striptease every night.

Q: Why are they clueless in Saudi Arabia?
A: Cause they live under Iraq.

Q: "What do you call a Muslim shrink?
A: A terrorpist."

Q: What is Al Qaida now learning after Osama Bin Laden's death?
A: Don't put your contact info on the Playstation Network!

Q: Why doesn't Gaddafi go out drinking?
A: Why should he when he can get bombed at home?

Q: What do you call a Muslim stripper?
A: youseen memuff

Q: What do Muslim men do during foreplay?
A: Tickle the goat under the chin.

Q: How do Muslims practice safe sex?
A: They mark the camels that kick.

Q: Why did the radical Muslim go to the airport and blow himself up?
A: He wanted to go everywhere.

Q: What do you say to a Pakistani at Christmas?
A: A quart of milk, a loaf of bread and a pack of Marlboros please.

Q. What can the Palestinians do to raise the average IQ in the West Bank?
A. Allow Jews to come in.

Q: What should Iraq get for its air defense system?
A: A refund.

Q: Why don't they teach Driver's Ed and sex education on the same day in the Middle East?
A: They don't want to wear out the camel.

Q: Why aren't there any Walmarts in Afghanistan?
A: Because there is a target on every corner.

Q: What did the warning label on the suicide bombers vest say?
A: In case of Jews, pull cord tightly!

Q: What do you call a building full of Taliban?
A: Jail

Q: What's the difference between a microwave and a Islamic extremist?
A: A microwave doesn't blow up every time the timer goes off.

I went to a Muslim birthday party last night. Damn if that wasn't the fastest game of Hot Potato I've ever seen!

The amount of joking about Islam should be like the amount of salt in one’s food.

Dear shaving commercials, stop shaving hairless legs. If you want impress us, please shave a Persian.

Two Boys
A Catholic boy and an Islamic boy were talking and the Catholic boy said, "My priest knows more than your Allah." The Hindu boy said, "Of course he does, you tell him everything."

I'm Gonna Jump
In Mumbai, a man is going to jump off the building. Up rushes good Hindu cop to talk him down. Cop yells up to the man "Don't jump! Think of your father" Man replies "Haven't got a father; I'm going to jump."

The cop goes through a list of relatives, mother, brothers, sister, etc. Each time man says "haven't got one; going to jump."

Desperate the cop yells up "Don't jump! Think of Lord Krishna" Man replies "Who is that?"

Cop yells "Jump, Muslim! You're blocking traffic!"

Mullah
A friend asked the mulla how old are you?
Forty replied the mullah.
The friend said but you said the samething two years ago!
Yes replied the mullah, I always stand by what I have said.

Central Park
A college student is taking a walk in Central park in New York. Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog . He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He saves the girl's life, but the pit bull is killed in the process. A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says: "You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers: "Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl" The man says: - "But I am not a New Yorker!" "Oh ,then it will say in newspapers in the morning: 'Brave American saves life of little girl'" – the policeman answers. "But I am not an American!" – says the man. "Oh, what are you then? " The man says: - "I am a Saudi !" The next day the newspapers says: "Islamic extremist kills innocent American dog.

Phone Call
Three men want make phone call from Hell to remind to their relatives about its harsh conditions Their Nationalities were American, Italian and Iraqi.

So they decide to go to Devil who is the boss. So the American made a call and the Devil made him to pay 100 USD, then an Italian made a call and the Devil made him to pay 10 Euros on fact that Italy is less developed than that of USA.

LASTLY an Iraqi made a call and the Devil made him to pay a cent.

Both the American and Italian complain as it is not fair and the devil responded to them "The Iraqi call was a local call whereas your was an International call"

Religious Shit

Taoism
Shit happens.

Buddhism
If shit happens, it's not really shit.

Islam
If shit happens, it's the will of Allah.

Protestantism
Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.

Judaism
Why does this shit always happen to us?

Hinduism
This shit happened before.

Catholicism
Shit happens because you're bad.

Hare Krishna
Shit happens rama rama.

T.V. Evangelism
Send more shit.

Atheism
No shit.

Jehova's Witness
Knock knock, shit happens.

Hedonism
There's nothing like a good shit happening.

Christian Science
Shit happens in your mind.

Agnosticism
Maybe shit happens, maybe it doesn't.

Rastafarianism
Let's smoke this shit.

Existentialism
What is shit anyway?

Stoicism
This shit doesn't bother me.


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