Light Bulb Jokes
Q: How many Emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
Q: What did the light bulb say to the switch?
A: You turn me on.
Q: How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.
Q: How many hipsters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It's a very obscure number, you probably won't have heard of it.
Q: How many Mexicans does it take to change a light bulb.
A: Just Juan
Q: What do you get when you cross a thought with a light bulb?
A: A bright idea!
Q: How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
Q: How many Christians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. They all just imagine they've seen the light.
Q: How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
Q: How many `Real Men' does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None: `Real Men' aren't afraid of the dark.
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: How many can you afford?
Q: What is the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman?
A: You can un-screw the lightbulb.
Q: How many lesbians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Four. One to change it, two to organize the potluck and one to write a folk song about the empowering experience
Q: How many stoners does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don't burn out man !
Q: How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
Q: How many college football players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
Q: How many cheating husbands does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. Cheating husbands screw in motels.
Q: How many fourteen year old boys does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: You said SCREW! HAHAHAHA!
Q: How many climate change skeptics does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. It's too early to say if the light bulb needs changing.
Q: How many Genius bar reps does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
Q: How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Depends on what you want to change it into.
Q: How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 20. 1 to screw it in and 19 to call him a sellout.
Q: How many baseball players does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. They're too busy arguing the last call.
Q: How many Apple Iphone early adopters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 3001. 1 to do the work and 3000 to go online and bitch about the lack of obscure features!
Q: How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One. He puts the bulb in and lets the world revolve around him.
Q: How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes
Q: How many taxi drivers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to screw it in and one to overcharge for the bulb.
Q: How many `Beautiful Women' does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None: A `Beautiful Woman' has plenty of real men around to do it.
Q: How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
Q: How many jugglers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, but it takes at least three light bulbs.
Q: How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. It turned itself in.
Q: How many biologists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four. One to change it and three to write the environmental-impact statement.
Q: How many crackheads does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 4, one to hold the lightbulb and three to smoke until the room spins.
Q: How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to change it, and another one to change it back again.
Q: How many Ohio State Buckeyes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to change the lightbulb and one to crack under the pressure.
Q: How many police officers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None they just beat the room for being black.
Q: How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but she'll break ten bulbs before figuring out that they can't just be pushed in.
Q: How many economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. If the light bulb needed changing the market would have already done it.
Q: How many potheads does it take to change a lightbulb.
A: Screw it, we got lighters.
Q: How many squirrels does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Actually, none because squirrels only change bulbs that are NUT broken.
Q: How many male chauvinists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. Let her do the dishes in the dark.
Q: How many reindeer does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Eight. One to screw in the light bulb and seven to hold Rudolph down!
Q: How many Mormons does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Zero. Mormons don't use light bulbs because they can't see the light .
Q: How many Romulans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: ONE HUNDRED FIFTY_ONE: One to screw the light bulb in, and 150 to self-destruct the ship out of disgrace.
Q: How many vigilante superheros does it take to change a light-bulb?
A: None. They like the dark.
Q: How many Democrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one, but it really gets screwed.
Q: How does Congressman John Boehner change a lightbulb?
A: Why change the bulb when you can blame it all on Obama?
Q: How many newspaper columnists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, but he'll tell everybody.
Q: How many birds does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Toucan do it.
Q: How many divorced men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, the sockets go with the house.
Q: How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change it, and one to sniff the first ones' butt.
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three; one to do it and two to sue him for malpractice.
Q: What did the candle say to the lighter?
A: You light me up.
Q: How many math teachers does it take to replace a light bulb?
A: None. They can't do it, but they can prove that it can be done.
Q: How many divorced men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Who knows; they never get the house.
Q: Why did the lights go out?
A: Because they liked each other.
How many sorority girls does it take to change a light bulb?
One to instagram it
One to snap it
One to tweet it
One to actually screw it in.
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