Florida Jokes
Short Florida Jokes
Q: What do a divorce in Alabama, a tornado in Kansas, and a hurricane in Florida have in common?
A: Somebody's fixin' to lose them a trailer.
Q: How many Justices are there on the Florida Supreme Court?
A: No one knows. They are not finished counting yet!
Q: What do you call Wall-E's cousin who cleans floors?
A: Floor-E duh!
Q: Where do the pianists go for vacation?
A: Florida Keys.
Q. What's the difference between a University of Central Florida sorority sister and a scarecrow?
A. One lives in a field and is stuffed with hay. The other frightens birds and small animals.
Q: Why do Florida State grads keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.
Q: What's the best thing to come out of Gainesville?
A: I-75
Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the Florida State University library?
A: Thirty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of Florida's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?
A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.
Q: Why couldn't the baby Jesus be born in Florida?
A: Because they couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.
Q: What does the average Florida State University student get on his SAT?
A: Drool.
Q: Did you hear about the Florida Gator fan who tried to blow up the Tennessee team bus?
A: He burned his lip on the tailpipe.
Q: How many Florida State University freshman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's a sophomore course.
Q: Why did Forrest Gump choose 'Bama over University of Florida?
A: He wanted an academic challenge!
Q: How do you make University of Florida cookies?
A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.
Q: If you have a car containing a Seminoles wide receiver, a Seminoles linebacker, and a Seminoles defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop.
Q: What is the definition of safe sex down in Florida?
A: Placing signs on the animals that kick.
Q: How do you casterate an Florida State Seminoles fan?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth
Q: Where do bakers go on vacation?
A: Orlandough.
Q: Whats the difference between the Florida Gators and cheerios?
A: One belongs in a bowl. The other doesn't!
Q: Why do Florida students have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First!
Q. What do you get when you drive quickly through the Florida State University campus?
A. An undergraduate degree.
Q: Why are rectal thermometers banned at Florida State University?
A: They cause too much brain damage!
Q: What should you do if you find three University Of Florida football fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.
Q: What's the difference between an Florida Gators fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Florida?
A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.
Q. How did the Florida Seminole die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!
Q: How do you get a man in Floridian to do sit-ups?
A: Put the remote control between his toes..
Q: What do they call students who go to Florida State?
A: Rejects from Florida!
Q: What does a Florida State Seminoles fan do when his team has won the BCS championship?
A: He turns off the PlayStation.
Q: What do you call a Florida State Seminole in a BCS bowl game?
A: A referee.
Q: What do Florida and Florida State students have in common?
A: They both got in to Florida State!
Q: What's the difference between an UCF football player and a dollar?
A: You can get four quarters out of a dollar.
Q: Did you hear that Florida State's football team doesn't have a website?
A: They can't string three "Ws" together.
Q: How many Florida State Seminoles does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don't burn out man!
Q: What are the best four years of a Florida Gators life?
A: Third grade
Q: What does a Florida State grad call a Florida grad in 5 years?
A: Boss!
I'm not saying FSU basketball players are dumb, but the coach is dressing six players for this Saturdays game.
The rest will dress themselves.
Q: Why is "The Wave" banned in Doak Campbell Stadium?
A: Two Seminoles fans drowned last year.
Q: Why did the University of Florida regents decide to cover Ben Hill Griffin Stadium in cardboard?
A: Because the Huskies always look better on paper.
Q: What happens when blondes move from Georgia to Florida?
A: Both states become smarter!
Q: Why aren't Central Florida cheerleaders allowed to do the splits?
A: They stick to the ground.
Q: Why do all the trees in Georgia lean south?
A: Florida Sucks
Q: What does a girl from Florida State do if she's not in bed by 10pm?
A: Go Home.
Q: Why do University of Florida basketball players use body heat activated deodorant?
A: Because it's the closet they will come to getting a "Degree".
Q: Why do Central Florida students have such beautiful noses?
A: They're hand picked.
Q: Why did Florida State disband its water polo team?
A: All the horses drowned.
Q: What's the difference between a Central Florida diploma and toilet paper?
A: About $50,000 per sheet.
Q: What does it say on the back of every Central Florida diploma?
A: Will Work For Food.
Q: Why did the University of South Florida grad cross the road?
A: Better question why is he out of jail?
Q: How does a dumb blonde get into college?
A: She applies to Florida State.
Q: Why did the Miami Hurricanes change their uniforms to Orange?
A: So they can play the game, direct traffic, and pick up trash without changing.
Q: What's the one thing that keeps Florida Gators basketball players from graduating?
A: Going to Class.
Q: Why did the Central Florida football team cross the road?
A: Because it was easier than crossing the goal line.
Q: How is a Florida State girl different from a bowling ball?
A: Sometimes a bowling ball is hard to pick up.
Q: What do UofF grads use for Birth Control?
A: Their personalities.
Q: How do you break a Central Florida grads finger?
A: Punch him in the nose.
Q: How do you get a University of South Florida fan to laugh all weekend long?
A: Tell him a joke Monday morning.
Q: Why do Central Florida fans smell so bad?
A: So blind people can hate them too.
Q: Why did Florida State change their field from grass to artificial turf?
A: To keep the Seminoles cheerleaders from grazing the field at halftime.
Q: Did you hear that 9 out of 10 coeds are good looking?
A: The other one goes to University of Central Florida.
Q: What do they call students at Florida State University?
A: Rejects from UofF.
Q: Whats the difference between Tallahassee and yogurt?
A: Yogurt has an active living culture.
Q: Why do the Florida Gators eat cereal straight from the box?
A: They choke whenever they get near a bowl.
Q: What do you call "Go Dawgs!" signs on a persons lawn in Florida?
A: Home improvement.
Q: What's the difference between Ben Hill Griffin Stadium and a cactus?
A: The cactus has its pricks on the outside.
Q: What separates a good team from a great team?
A: The Florida-Georgia border.
Q: How do you confuse a USF student?
A: You can't they were born that way.
Q: How do you get from Athens, GA to Gainesville?
A: Go south until you smell shit and east until you step in it.
Q: What will you never hear a University of South Florida grad say?
A: "I have reviewed your application......"
Q: What does a Florida native and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: What do you call a college football program that used to be relevant?
A: FIwho?
Q: What do tornadoes and graduates from the University of Central Florida have in common?
A: They both end up in trailer parks.
Q: What do the University of Florida and pot have in common?
A: They both get smoked in bowls!
Q. How do they separate the men from the boys at Florida State?
A. With a restraining order.
Q. What's the first thing an Florida State girl does when she wakes up in the morning?
A. Walks home.
Q: What do you call an UCF football player with a championship ring?
A: A thief!
Q: What is a Florida fan's favorite whine?
A: "We can't beat Alabama."
Q: Why does a Florida Gators fan pour his cereal on a plate?
A: He lost his bowls.
Q: How do you stop a Florida fan from beating his wife?
A: Dress her in Alabama Crimson!
Q: What is th difference between a bucket of shit and a Florida Gators fan?
A: The bucket.
Q: Why do they not serve ice in drinks at Gators games anymore?
A: The student who knew the recipe graduated
Alligator
A man walked into a Florida bar with his alligator and asked the bartender:
"Do you serve lawyers here?"
"Sure."
"Good. One beer for me and a lawyer for my alligator."
Team Colors
A man walks into a Tennessee store and says, "I would like a orange hat, blue pants, green sweater, and white shoes."
The clerk says, "Are you a Gator fan?"
"Yes," replies the man, "How did you guess, by the color combination?"
"No," answers the clerk, "because this is a hardware store."
Two Coaches
Urban Meyer and Fulmer are in a bathroom taking a leak.
Fulmer finishes and starts to walk out of the room when Meyer says down in Florida, they teach us to wash our hands after we take a leak.
Fulmer responds, Up in Tennessee, they teach us not to piss on our hands.
Jailbreak
There's an Florida Student, a Georgia Student and a South Carolina Grad that all just broke out of jail. They went to hide out in an old animal wharehouse. The Georgia Student and Florida Student each hid in a box and the South Carolina Grad hid in a bag. The Police walked in and knocked on the Florida guys box and the Florida Students replied MOO! The police said..Oh, it's just a cow.
After knocking on the Georgia Students box the guy replied OINK, OINK! The police said...Oh, it's just a pig.
The police shook the South Carolina Grads bag and the guy said COCKS!
Falling in Love
A man fell in love with the girl of his dreams. They were perfect for each other, except for one minor problem: She was a South Carolina Gamecocks fan and he was a Georgia Bulldogs fan. He decided to make the ultimate sacrifice and become a Gamecocks fan.
He went to the doctor and asked if there was an easy way to do this. The doctor replied, "Yes, it's a very simple procedure. What we do is go in and remove half your brain. When you wake up, you will be a Gamecocks fan."
The man agrees, and the next week goes into surgery. After he wakes up the doctor comes up to him concerned. "Sir, I apologize, but there was a mix-up with the scalpel. Instead of removing half your brain we removed 3/4 of it. How do you feel?"
The man sat up, looked around, and said "GO GATORS!"
Sheep Coitus
A Georgia Bulldogs fan and a Florida Gators fan were driving along when all of a sudden the Georgia fan slams on the brakes.
There was a sheep with her head stuck in the fence and the Georgia fan said "We Bulldogs never pass up an opportunity like this!" And he gets out and has his way with the sheep.
Then he says to the Florida fan, "Your turn"...
And the Gators fan bends over and sticks his head in the fence.
Cemetary
One Day This Kid And His Mom Were Walking Past A Cemetery When They Past A Grave And the Kid Stopped To Read It.
He Read Aloud "Here Lies A Florida State Graduate And A Great Man."
The Kid Then Says "Mom I Dont Get It."
The Mom Says "Why Not?"
The Kid Says "Why Are there 2 People Burried here?"
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