Bread Jokes
Q: What did the bag of flour say to the loaf of bread?
A: "I saw you yeasterday"
Q: Why doesn't bread like warm weather?
A: Things get Toasty!
Q: Why are bread jokes always funny?
A: Because they never get mold!
Q: What do you call holy bread?
A: Jesus Crust!
Q: What do you see when the Pillsbury Doughboy bends over?
A: Doughnuts!
Q: What did one slice of bread say to the other slice of bread when he saw some butter and jam on the table?
A: We're toast!
Q: What does bread do after it's done baking?
A: Loaf around.
Q: What do you call a handsome loaf of bread?
A: Bread Pitt!
Q: Why was the baker in a panic?
A: He was in a loaf or death situation.
Q: What happened when the baker's wife came home early?
A: She caught her husband Masterbaking.
Q: What do the bread say to the chicken?
A: LETS GET BREADDDDYYY TO CRUMMBBLLEEEEE
Q: Why do bakers give women on special occasions?
A: Flours
Q: Why is dough another word for money?
A: Because everyone kneads it.
Q: What does flour and yeast need?
A: A loaf nest.
Q: Have you seen the romantic comedy about bread?
A: It's called "Loaf Actually".
Q: Why did the baker go to jail?
A: He was caught beating an egg.
Q: How do you make pickle bread?
A: With dill-dough
Q: Why did bread break up with margarine?
A: For a butter lover.
Q: What pick up line does yeast use on flour?
A: I bread your pardon!
Q: Why did the dog jump on the counter and take a bite out of the bread?
A: Puppy loaf.
Q: What do you call a flying bagel?
A: a plain bagel.
Q: What do u call a whore who screws for 5 cents?
A: A pumpernickel!
Q: What did the baker say to the hot girl?
A: I'll put a bun in your oven!
Q: Where does an injured sandwich go?
A: The 'Mayo' Clinic
Q: What did the loaf of bread say to the police officer?
A: Rye so serious?
Q: What did the yeast say to the bag of flour?
A: Come on we Knead to be serious!
Q: Can you make a sandwich with corned beef, sauerkraut, and Swiss cheese?
A: Rye not?
Q: What is a bakers favorite Beatles song?
A: "Loaf is all you knead."
Q: What happens when you burn bread?
A: You loaf it to death.
Q: How does a loaf of bread validate it's anger against grapes?
A: Raisining!
Q: What do bread and autistic kids have in common?
A: They both have special needs
Q: What did the yeast confess to the bag of flour?
A: I loaf you dough much!
Q: Why did Mama Flour and Papa Yeast tell Baby Bread to get a job?
A: He was just loafing around!
Q: Why doesn't anyone want to work in a bakery?
A: It's a crumby place to work.
Q: What Kind of Biscuits Can Fly?
A: Plain Ones
Q: When does sourdough bread rise?
A: When you yeast expect it.
Q: What did the butter say to the bread?
A: I'm on a roll!
Q: What do you get when you mix Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Doughboy?
A: A redhead with a yeast infection.
Q: What do you call it when a mother and child bake bread together?
A: A labor of loaf.
Q: Why does everyone need bread and water?
A: Loaf makes the world go round.
Two Buscuits walking across Union Street,
One gets hit by a bus.
The other one says,
Oh Crumbs!
Two muffins are in an oven and one says,"Wow, it's hot in here!"
and the other muffin says,"Oh my gosh, a talking muffin!"
Nothing with zucchini in it tastes good.
Me: I bread to differ.
Enough of the bread jokes ther too crumby.
Hunger Games
Whenever I hear a good song I say
"Where's Peeta cause this is my jam."
To Panemaniacs,
Stop with all the bread jokes.
I don't love bread, I loaf it
"Life is like a loaf of bread, Peeta, you never know which district it'll be from."
Mama Mellark
After Katniss found me almost dead
Things got toasty
When life hands you lemons, trade them for BREAD
Peeta Mellark
"I'm not bready to have sex with you, Peeta!"
Katniss Everdeen
Peetas bread rising for you :)
Katniss you lucky bitch
Katniss: Enough with the bread jokes Peeta, we knead to be serious here.
Katniss: I'm pregnant
Peeta: You got a bun in the oven?
Katniss: Oh, Hey Peeta
Peeta: Hey Katniss! Hey, could I borrow some money, I'm out of dough.
Katniss: Don't you have a job though?
Peeta: Yes, but my mom won't give me a raise. :'C
Katniss: C'mon Peeta
Peeta: I kneed it!!
Katniss: *sighs and throws him a bit of change*
Peeta: The YEAST you could give me is a dollar bill!
Katniss: *Facepalm*
Peeta: Just call me butter, cuz I'm on a roll! :>
Katniss: Peeta� could you please stop with the bread jo-
Peeta: I BREAD YOUR PARDON?!
Katniss: *walks away*
Peeta: What? I said muffin wrong!
Peeta: I'm a tribute, in this cave that I stay in
peeta: I'm, wanted.
Peeta: I'm wanted, bread or alive.
Katniss: That awkward moment when your husband won't stop making bread jokes.
Peeta: I bread your pardon!
Q: What's Peeta's favorite Pokemon?
A: Rhydon.
Q: What does Peeta want to name his child?
A: Ryelee if it's a girl, Bunjamin if it's a boy.
Q: What does Peeta call his grandmother?
A: Naan.
Q: Why does Peeta love Katniss?
A: She has a great set of buns!
God Is Watching
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic school for lunch.
At the head of the table was a large tray of bread slices.
The nun posted a sign on the bread tray, "Take only one. God is watching."
Further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
One child whispered to another, "Take all you want. God is watching the bread."
General Store
A general store owner hires a young attractive female clerk who likes to wear very short skirts and thong panties.
One day a young man enters the store, glances at the clerk and glances at the loaves of bread behind the counter.
Noticing the length of her skirt and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant idea.
"I'd like some raisin bread please", the man says politely.
The female clerk nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread, which is located on the very top shelf.
The young man standing almost directly beneath her is provided with an excellent view, just as he surmised he would be.
Once she descends the ladder he muses that he really should get two loaves as he's having company for dinner.
As the clerk retrieves the second loaf of bread, one of the other male customers notices whats going on.
Thinking quickly, he requests his own loaf of raisin bread so he can continue to enjoy the view.
With each trip up the ladder the young lady seems to catch the eye of another male customer.
Pretty soon each male patron is asking for raisin bread, just to see the clerk climb up and down.
After many trips shes tired, irritated and thinking that she is really going to have to try this bread for herself!
Finally, once again atop the ladder, she stops and fumes, glaring at the men standing below.
She notices an elderly man standing amongst the crowd staring up at her.
Thinking to save herself a trip, she yells at the elderly man, "Is yours raisin too?"
"No," says the old man "....... But its startin' to twitch."
Bread Pick Up Lines
I could rack my grain and I still wouldn't be able to think of a prettier girl than you.
Is your dad a baker cause your buns are fantastic
I love you like a hot stove baby!
I'll put a bun in your oven!
They call me Yeast, and I can get a rise out of you yet!
You know, when stuck in a jam, you're the bun I want to be with!