Beef Jokes
Q: What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
A: Anyone can roast beef.
Q: What do you call a cow with a twitch?
A: Beef jerky.
Q: What do you call a cow on the barnyard floor?
A: Ground Beef
Q: What do you call a cow with no front legs?
A: Lean Beef
Q: What do you call a cow with no legs at all?
A: Ground beef
Q: What do you call a cow that has 2 legs?
A: Side of beef
Q: What do you call a cow that has 1 leg?
A: Steak
Q: Why can't the bankrupt cowboy complain?
A: He's got no beef.
Q: What's a cow's favorite moosical note?
A: Beef-flat
Q: Why don't cows have any money?
A: Because farmers milk them dry
Q: What happened to the lost beef shipment?
A: Nobody's herd.
Q: Do you know why the cow jumped over the moon?
A: The farmer had cold hands.
Q: How do you make a milkshake?
A: Give a cow a pogo stick.
Q: Did you hear about the lowest grade of steak?
A: It's where the rubber meats the road.
Chick-fil-A has a nice looking menu, but "Where's the beef?"
Q: What is a cow's favorite lunch meat?
A: Bullogna
Q: Where do cows go for lunch?
A: The calf-eteria.
Q: Which job is a cow most suited for?
A: Baker. Because they're making cow pies regularly.
Q: How does a cow get to the mooooon?
A: It flies through udder space!
Q: What happens when you talk to a cow?
A: It goes in one ear and out the udder!
Q: Why did the blonde buy a brown cow?
A: To get chocolate milk.
Q: What are a cows favorite subjects in school?
A: Moosic, psycowolgy, cowculus
Q: Why was the well done steak a terrible gossip?
A: It wasn't juicy enough!
Q: What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck?
A: Milk and Quackers!
Q: What do you call it when a cow jumps over a barbed wire fence
A: Udder-Catastrophe
Q: Where do you find the most cows?
A: Moo-York
Q: What do cows get when they are sick?
A: Hay Fever
Q: Why does a milking stool have only three legs?
A: Because the cow has the udder.
Q: Why do cows wear bells?
A: Their horns don't work.
Q: What are the spots on black and white cows?
A: Holstains
Q: What kind of milk comes from a forgetful cow?
A: Milk of Amnesia
Q: Have you ever heard the term "When Pigs Fly!"......
A: Well what if it were "When Cows Fly!"
Q: Where do cows go when they want a night out?
A: To the moo-vies!
Q: What was the bull doing in the pasture with his eyes closed?
A: Bull-dozin'
Q: What did the bored cow say when she got up in the morning?
A: "It's just an udder day"
Q: How does a farmer count a herd of cows?
A: With a Cowculator
Q: Where do Russians get their milk?
A: From Mos-cows
Q: What do cows wear in Hawaii?
A: Moo- moos
Q: What do call a cow that has just had a calf?
A: Decalfenated
Q: Why did the cow wear a bell around her neck?
A: Because her horn didn't work
Q: Did you hear that NASA recently launched a bunch of Holsteins into low Earth orbit?
A: They called it the Herd Shot 'Round The World!
Q: What do you call a cow that doesn't give milk?
A: A MILK DUD!
Q: What do you call a cow that doesn't give milk?
A: An udder failure.
Q: What do you call a sleeping bull?
A: A bull-dozer.
Q: What band is a cow favorite?
A: Moody Blues
Q: What do you call a grumpy cow?
A: Moo-dy
Q: Where do cows like to ride on trains?
A: In the cow-boose.
Q: What do cows get when they do all their chores?
A: Mooney.
Q: What did one dairy cow say to another?
A: Got milk?
Q: How to you know that cows will be in heaven?
A: It's a place of udder delight.
Q: When is a farmer like a magician?
A: When he turns his cow into pasture.
Q: Why is a barn so noisy?
A: All the cows have horns.
Q: What animals do you bring to bed?
A: Your calves.
Q: What happened to the lost cattle?
A: Nobody's herd.
Q: Where does a cow stop to drink?
A: The milky way!
Q: What does an invisible man drink?
A: Evaporated milk!
Q: What newspaper do cows read?
A: The Daily Moos.
Q: What is it when one cow spies on another cow?
A: A steak out.
Q: What happens when a cow laughs too hard?
A: It Cowlapses!
Q: Why can't the bankrupt Hindu complain?
A: He's got no beef.
Is an argument between two vegans, still called a beef?
My decision to become a Hindu was a missed steak
Riding The Train
A lady from the city and her traveling companion were riding the train through Vermont when she noticed some cows.
"What a cute bunch of cows!" she remarked.
"Not a bunch, herd", her friend replied.
"Heard of what?"
"Herd of cows."
"Of course I've heard of cows."
"No, a cow herd."
"What do I care what a cow heard. I have no secrets to keep from a cow!"
Religious Cowboy
The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range.
Three weeks later, a cow walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth.
The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes.
He took the precious book out of the cow's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!"
"Not really," said the cow. "Your name is written inside the cover."
Two Cows in a field
Two cows were out in a field eating grass.
One cow turns to the other cow and says, "Moooooo!"
"Hey", the other cow replies.... "I was just about to say the same thing!"