Bacon Jokes
Q: What did bacon say to tomato?
A: Lettuce get together.
Q: Why didn't the drunk Mexican druglord find the Bacon Tree?
A: Because he walked into a Ham Bush!
Q: Whats green and smells like bacon?
A: Kermit the Frog's finger!
Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?
Q: Why did the pig go into the kitchen?
A: He felt like bacon.
Q: Which actor is now being quarantined for Swine Flu?
A: Kevin Bacon
Q: If you can't get Swine Flu from eating bacon what can you get?
A1: Obesity
A2: Heart Disease
A3: Hardening of the Arteries
Q: Whats the name of the movie about Bacon?
A1: Frankenswine
A2: Hamlet
Why do pigs go to New York City?
To see the Big Apple.
Why was the meat packer arrested?
For bringing home the bacon.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a chicken?
The best bacon-and-eggs of your life.
Why did the pig kill the farmer?
To save his own bacon.
What do you call a bacon wrapped dinosaur?
Jurrasic Pork.
What do you call a pig that can tell you about his ancestors?
History in the bacon.
How do they get up there?
In pigup trucks.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede?
Bacon and Legs.
What would happen if pigs could fly?
The price of bacon would go skyrocket.
What did the boy bacon say to the girl bacon?
Girl, you're bacon my heart melt.
What are they warned to watch out for?
Pigpockets.
What do you call a pig thats wrong?
Mistaken bacon.
Patient: "Nurse im suffering from bacon disease!"
Nurse: "Baloney"
I never got a birds and the bees speech as a child. The closest thing I ever got -- one time, my dad was cooking breakfast; he's like, 'Sex is a lot like this egg. First thing you gotta do is heat up the bed real nice, get it nice and warm, get it ready for her. Then, you gotta take her, crack her over the head and lay her out flat, alright? Come on now -- wait 'til she starts sizzlin' really good, then you can flip her on over -- there ya go. Don't get too excited or you get yellow stuff all over the bacon.'
Daniel Tosh
Yo momma so fat her favorite actor is Crevin Bacon.
Couple Night Out
A French couple, an Italian couple, and a Polish couple go out to dinner.
Thhe French husband says to his wife "pass the honey, honey."
The Italian man says to his wife "Pass the sugar, sweety."
The polish guy, not quite understanding the situation, says to his wife "pass the bacon you fat fucking pig".
Knock Knock
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Bacon.
Bacon who?
Bacon a cake for your birthday.
Bacon Pick Up Lines
"Do you like Bacon? Wanna strip?"
"Hey baby, can I fry my bacon in your hot sizzling grill?"