Boston Jokes

Q. Why do ducks fly over Boston upside down?
A. There's nothing worth craping on!

Q: What is the difference between a person from Boston and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after awhile.

Q: What's the only thing that grows in Boston?
A: The Crime Rate!

Q: How much snow and sleet fell in Boston?
A: So much that hookers are exchanging sex for Ice Melt.

Q: How do you know that Boston is getting desparate to help remove record snowfalls this winter?
A: They are willing to pay Amy Winehouse and Lindsay Lohan by the ounce to help out with snow removal

Q: What are the only two seasons in Boston?
A: Winter and Construction.

Q: What is the difference between a bucket of shit and people from Boston?
A: The bucket.

Q: What's the difference between the Mayor of Boston and a prostitute?
A: The prostitute gives value for the money she takes.

Q. What is a Boston landlord's favorite game to play?
A: Monopoly

Q: How do people in Boston vote?
A: Early and often!

Q: How do you casterate a person from Boston?
A: Kick his sister in the mouth

Q: What should you do if you find three people from Boston buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.

Q: What's the difference between a person from Boston and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q. How did the boy from Boston die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!

Q: What do people from Boston and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They’re both empty from the neck up.

Q: Why do people from Boston keep their driver's license on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: How do kids from Boston spend the first week of the school year?
A: Studying the Miranda Rights

Q: How do you know you are in Boston?
A: When you pull up to a red light, you roll up your windows!

Q: Did you hear about the power outage in the Boston library?
A: Thirty people were stuck on the escalator for three hours.

Q: What does the average student from Boston get on his SAT?
A: Drool.

Q: What is the definition of safe sex down in Boston?
A: Placing signs on the animals that kick.

Q: Why do people from Boston have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First!

Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Boston?
A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.

Q: What is the definition of a Boston virgin?
A: An ugly twelve year old who can outrun her brothers.

Q: What do tornadoes and people from Boston have in common?
A: They both end up in trailer parks.

Q: How do they separate the men from the boys in Boston?
A: With a restraining order.

Q: What's the first thing an Boston girl does when she wakes up in the morning?
A: Walks home.

Q: What did the Boston girl say after sex?
A: Get off me Dad, you're crushing my smokes!

Q: Why don't girls play hide and seek in Boston?
A: No one would look for them.

Q: What's the advantage of being married to a person from Boston?
A: You can park in handicapped zones.

Q: How do you know that Michael Jackson is not dead?
A: He's still registered to vote in Boston!

Q: Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?
A: Because he thought Glen "Big Baby" Davis was going to eat him!

Q: What shouldn't Celtics fans wear Khloe Kardashian masks to distract the Los Angeles Lakers?
A: Because a possibly pregnant white women scares the Boston Celtics players as well!

Q: What's the difference between the Boston Celtics and a dollar bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

Boston Celtics Jokes

Q: What do the Boston Bruins and the Titanic have in common?
A: They both look good until they hit the ice!

Q: What’s the difference between Frequent Flyer Miles and the Boston Bruins?
A: Frequent Flyer Miles earn points.

Boston Bruins Jokes

Q: What is the difference between Tim Wakefield and bowling icon Walter Ray Williams, Jr.?
A: Walter Ray Williams, Jr. knows how to throw a strike.

Q: Why is Boston's monster green?
A: Envy from Yankee wins.

Q: What are O.J.'s favorite baseball teams?
A: The Red Sox and the Dodgers.

Boston Red Sox Jokes

Career Day
It's career day in elementry school where each student talks about what their dad does.
Little Johnny is last, and finally the teacher calls on him to talk about his dad.
Johnny comes to the front of the class. 'My daddy is a dancer at a gay bar. He takes off his clothes for other men, and if they pay him enough money, he goes into the alley and performs sex acts on them.'
The teacher is shocked, and she calls for an early recess for the rest of the class.
She sits down with Johnny and asks him if this is really true about his dad.
Johnny says; 'No, but I was too embarrassed to say he played for the Boston Bruins.'

Irish Joke
A man walks into a pub in Boston, and asks the bartender

"Hey, want to hear this great Irish joke?"

The bartender looks at him and responds

"Sir, think about this. You are in a Boston pub, I'm sure about 80% of the people here are Irish. Do you really want to tell that joke?"

The man thinks about this and replays

"Oh, okay. I'll just tell it really slowly."

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