Independence Day Jokes
Food, Family, Fourth of july, and Fireworks. The four best F words ever!
What do you get when you cross Captain America with the Incredible Hulk?
The Star-Spangled Banner.
What happened as a result of the Stamp Act?
The Americans licked the British!
How come there's no Knock Knock joke about America?
Because freedom rings.
What's red, white, black and blue?
Uncle Sam falling down the stairs.
What kind of tea did the American colonists want?
Liberty.
What was General Washington's favourite tree?
The infantry.
What do you call a redneck bursting into flames?
A Fire Cracker!
What was the most popular dance in 1776?
Indepen-dance.
What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
It can't sit down.
Who was the biggest jokester in George Washington's army?
Laughayette
Why did the duck say bang?
Because he was a firequacker.
What's the difference between a duck and George Washington?
One has a bill on his face, and the other has his face on a bill
Why were the first Americans like ants?
They lived in colonies.
What do you eat on July 5th?
Independence Day-Old-Pizza.
What quacks, has webbed feet, and betrays his country?
Beneduck Arnold.
What did the fuse say to the firecracker?
Lets get together and "pop it like its hot".
How do you start the 4th of July parade in the ghetto?
Roll a 40 down the street.
What protest by a group of dogs occurred in 1772?
The Boston Flea Party.
Why did Paul Revere ride his horse from Boston to Lexington?
Because the horse was too heavy to carry.
Did you hear the one about the Liberty Bell?
Yeah, it cracked me up!
What do you get when you cross a dinosaur and fireworks?
Dino-mite.
What do you call a duck that likes to celebrate Independence Day?
A fire quacker.
What would you get if you crossed George Washington with cattle feed?
The Fodder of Our Country!
What did one flag say to the other flag?
Nothing. It just waved.
Which colonists told the most jokes?
Punsylvanians!
True independence and freedom can only exist in doing what's right.
True patriotism hates injustice in its own land more than anywhere else.
Democracy is the government of the people, by the people, for the people.
People have forgotten what 4th of July really is about. Today commemorates the freedom we use everyday. It's not fireworks and parties. That's just what makes it fun.
Let's enjoy one of the last Independence Days before our complete dependence on China.
The United States is a free country where every man can do as his wife pleases.
Let us remember as we fall asleep this Independence Day those who fight and the many that have died to protect our freedom.
Did you hear the one about the Liberty Bell? Yeah, it cracked me up too!
A battery and a firework were arrested. They charged one, and let the other one off.
Democracy is a word everyone uses, but none understand.
Independence Day is the day married men celebrate something they once had.
The 4th of July was not declared a national holiday until 1941.
John Hancock was the only person to actually sign the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, 1776. The other signers did not sign it until August 2nd, 1776 or even later.
Revolutionary War
During the Revolutionary war, a Lieutenant asked a soldier why he was falling back during a really fierce battle. "Didn't you hear me say that we're outnumbered 4 to 1 ?"
The soldier replied, "I got my four Sir."
British General
"Well," snarled the tough old General Cornwallis to the bewildered soldier. "I suppose after you get discharged from the army, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and piss on my grave."
"Not me, General!" the soldier replied. "Once I get out of the army, I'm never going to stand in line again!"