Nude Pictures Joke
What did the elephant say to a naked man?
Hey that's cute but can you breath through it?
Q: Why should Playboy wait 5 years to shoot Lindsay Lohan nude?
A: In 5 years they can just go to the morgue!
Q: What do you call mobile porn?
A: Flash Drive
Q: How do you properly fuck a naked fat woman?
A: Role her around in flower and find the wet spot!
Q: What do you call a naked 18 year-old on a waterbed?
A: A cherry float.
Q: How do you know Adam was a Canadian?
A: Who else could stand beside a naked woman and be tempted by a fruit?
What do naked fish play with?
Bare-a-cudas!
Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.
Charlie Brown and Lucy went to a nudist camp.
Lucy said to Charlie Brown, "I know you're stupid but now I can see your NUTS !!!"
I'd like to give a shout out to all the women who don't need to dress half naked to get a man's attention. Stay classy! The rest of you, come with me.
Nude Beach
Two parents take their son on a vacation to a nude beach.
The father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes and plays in the water.
The son comes running up to his mom and says..."Mommy, I saw ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!"
The mom says..."the bigger they are, the dumber they are."
So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says..."Mommy, I saw men with dingers a lot bigger than Daddy's!"
The mom says..."the bigger they are, the dumber they are."
So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says..."Mommy, I just saw Daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw and the more and more he talked, the dumber and dumber he got!"
Naked Dinner
A man and a woman were celebrating their 50th anniversary. They were talking before their dinner about how they should celebrate their big evening. The woman decided she would cook a big dinner for her husband. Then he said they should do what they did on their wedding night and eat at the dinner table naked. The woman agreed. Later that night at the table, the woman says, "Honey, my nipples are as hot for you as they were fifty years ago." The man replies, "That's because they are sitting in your soup."
Camping
The out-of-state couple are camping on the shores of a lake near a tiny
hamlet.
The young wife, stunningly built, decides to give the local town folk a thrill
by sun bathing in the nude.
"That's OK with me, honey," says her husband. "I'll go get some
wood for the fire."
About thirty minutes later, the husband returns to the campsite and finds his
wife in tears. One of her breasts has been painted green, the other red and her
ass is blue.
"What on earth happened to you dear?" he asks.
"Some of those rednecks from town came over and told me they don't allow
any nakedness around these parts. Then they gave me this paint job!"
"Damn those trouble-makers! I'll fix them!" the husband shouts.
He rides into town and finds the rednecks in a bar.
"Who is the SOB who painted my wife red, green and blue!" he shouts.
A huge redneck, about 6'-8," steps forward, a shotgun in his hand. "I
did it," he bellows. "What you got to say about it?"
The husband answers meekly, "I just wanted you to know the first coat of
paint is dry."
Compliments
This 60 year old woman is naked, jumping up and down on her bed laughing and singing. Her husband walks into the bedroom and sees her. He watches her awhile then says, "You look ridiculous, what on earth are you doing?"
She says, "I just got my checkup and my doctor says I have the breasts of an eighteen-year-old." She starts laughing and jumping again.
He says, "Yeah, right. And what did he say about your 60 year-old ass?"
She says, "Well, your name never came up."
Nude Picture
On their first night together, a newlywed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom showered and wearing a beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe." The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished."Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he exclaims, "My God you are so beautiful, let me take your picture. Puzzled she asks, "My picture?" He answers, "Yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever".
She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower. He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "Why do you wear a robe? We are married now." At that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "oh, OH, OH MY, let me get a picture". He beams and asks why and she answers, "So I can get it enlarged!"
11 Reasons To Go To Work Naked
1. Your boss is always yelling, "I wanna see your ass in
here by 8:00!"
2. Can take advantage of computer monitor
radiation to work on your
tan.
3. Inventive way to finally meet that hunk in Human
Resources.
4. "I'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet
in my pants."
5. To stop those creepy guys in Marketing
from looking down your
blouse/shirt.
6. You want to see if it's like the dream.
7. So that - with a little help from Muzak - you can add
"Exotic
Dancer" to your exaggerated resume.
8. People stop stealing your pens after they've seen where
you keep
them.
9. Diverts
attention from the fact that you also came to work drunk.
10. Gives "bad hair day" a whole new meaning.
11. No one steals your chair.