Star Wars Jokes
Q: What do you call stormtroopers playing Monopoly?
A: Game of Clones
Q: Why did the angry Jedi cross the road?
A: To get to the Dark Side.
Q: What did Emperor Palpatine say to Darth Vader?
A: Merry Sithmas.
Q: When did Anakin's Jedi masters know he was leaning towards the dark side?
A: In the Sith Grade.
Q: Why do Doctors make the best Jedi?
A: Because a Jedi must have patience.
Roses are red, violets are blue, if you love Star Wars, may the force be with you.
The best part of any person is always their Dark Side.
Q: How is Ducktape like the Force?
A: It has a Dark Side, a Light side and it binds the galaxy together.
Q: What do you call a potato that has turned to the Dark side?
A: Vader Tots.
Q: What do you call a Sith who won't fight?
A: A Sithy.
Q: Why is a Jedi knight never lonely?
A: Because the force is always with him.
Q: What does Kylo Ren serve at a dinner party?
A: First hors d'oeuvres.
Q: Where does Princess Leia go shopping for clothing and such?
A: At the Darth Maul, of course.
Q: How do Ewoks communicate over long distances?
A: With Ewokie Talkies
Q: What do you call 5 siths piled on top of a lightsaber?
A: A Sith-Kabob!
Q: What do you call a Jedi in denial?
A: Obi-Wan Cannot Be
Q: What do they serve at a Rebel Alliance cantina?
A: Jyn and Juice.
Q: What do you call a nervous Jedi?
A: Panicking Skywalker.
Q: What do you call Chewbacca when he has chocolate stuck in his hair?
A: Chocolate Chip Wookiee.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get away from Kylo Hen.
Q: Which Star Wars character uses meat for a weapon instead of a Lightsaber?
A: Obi Wan Baloney.
Q: Why is a droid mechanic never lonely?
A: Because he's always making new friends!
Q: What did the rancor say after he ate a Wookiee?
A: Chewie!
Q: What do you call the website that divulges the secrets of the Galactic Empire?
A: Wookieeleaks
Q: Why do Stormtroopers listen to Megan Trainor?
A: Because "They're all about that base, 'bout that base, no rebels."
Q: Do you know when a woman becomes a jedi?
A: When she's good and Reydy.
Q: What do you call Harrison Ford when he smokes weed?
A: Han So-high
Q: What do you call a Mexican jedi?
A: Obi-Juan Kenobi
Q: What do you call Mexican Jedi apprentice?
A: PadaJuan.
Q: How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas?
A: He felt his presents.
Q: What do Gungans put things in?
A: Jar Jars.
Q: What do you call a Sith rock star?
A: Darth Vedder.
Q: Why did Yoda visit Bank of America yesterday?
A: He needed a bank clone! (Loan)
Q: Why does Princess Leia keep her hair tied up in buns?
A: So it doesn't Hang Solow!
Q: Why didn't Luke Skywalker cross the road?
A: Because he got a ticket for Skywalking.
Q: How many Alderaanians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, they were all destroyed by the death star.
Q: What does Yoda say to encourage a Padawan before a test?
A: Do well, you will do!
Q: What do you call two suns fighting each other?
A: Star Wars
Q: What did Santa Claus say to the young padawan?
A: Merry The Force Be With You.
Q: What do you call a Jedi who loves tacos?
A: Obi-Juan Kenobi
Q: What do you call a pirate droid?
A: Argh2-D2
Q: Why does Leia wear buns on her head?
A: In case she gets hungry in a Senate meeting.
Q: What do you call it when only one Star Wars character gives you a round of applase?
A: A Hand Solo!
Q: How many stormtroopers does it take to replace a lightbulb?
A: Two; one to screw the bulb in, the other to shoot him and take the credit.
Q: What side of an Ewok has the most hair?
A: The outside.
Q: Who tries to be a Jedi?
A: Obi-Wannabe
Q: Which Star Wars character works at a restaurant?
A: Darth Waiter
Q: What do you call a female Mandalorian?
A: A Womandalorian.
Q: What do Whipids say when they kiss?
A: Ouch.
Q: Why did the droid cross the road?
A: Because it was programmed by a chicken.
Q: What do you call someone who doesn't like the dark side?
A: Darth Hater.
Q: Why did episodes 4,5, and 6 come before 1,2, and 3?
A: Because in charge of directing, Yoda was.
Q: What do you call it when a wookie gets to play the guitar alone onstage?
A: A Han Solo
Q: What do you call a bounty hunter from the South?
A: Bubba Fett
Q: What happens if Anakin Skywalker grills you a burger?
A: Its a little on the DARK side.
Q: Why did the Stormtrooper start jumping up and down?
A: He stepped on Ant-hillies.
Q: What do Star Destroyers wear to parties?
A: A bow TIE.
Q: What kind of car takes you to a Jedi?
A: A ToYoda.
Q: Why is Han such a loner?
A: Because he's Solo.
Q: Where does Jabba the Hutt eat?
A: Pizza Hutt
Q: Why did the crazy Angrallian Toobir cross the nebula?
A: To get to the other dementia.
Q: Why did Kit Fisto storm out of the sushi restaurant?
A: Because they were serving Mon Calamari.
Q: Why did the smuggler cross the spacelanes?
A: To get to the other side.
Q: What's the differance between an ATAT and a stormtrooper?
A: One's an Imperial walker and the other is a walking Imperial.
Q: How many Sith does it take to screw in a hyperdrive?
A: Two, but I don't know how they got in it.
Q: What goes, "Ha, ha, ha, haaaa.... AGGGHHHH! Thump"?
A: An Imperial Officer laughing at Darth Vader.
Q: Why did Yoda cross the road?
A: Because the chickens Forced him to.
Q: As a Disney character what song would Vader sing?
A: "When You Wish Upon A Death Star".
Q: Why did the Ewok fall out of the tree?
A: It was dead.
Q: How do you unlock doors on Kashyyyk?
A: With a woo-key
Q: Where does Qui-Gon keep his jam?
A: In a Jar-Jar.
Why did Padme Amidal keep her Boots on?
Because they were too BOOT-iful!
Q: What is Jabba the Hutt's middle name?
A: "The"
Q: Why did Han Solo kill Limp Bizkit?
A: "He did it all for the wookie!"
Q: Why is the Millenium Falcon so slow?
A: Because it takes a millenium to go anywhere.
Q: What is a jedi's favorite toy?
A: A yo-yoda
Q: Why should you never tell jokes on the Falcon?
A: The ship might crack up.
Q: What did Yoda say when he gave Luke Skywalker his first car?
A: May the PORSCHE be with you!
Q: What happens when a red and white X-Wing crashes into green water?
A: It gets wet.
Q: Why happened when the dog attacked the Jedi?
A: The Jedi got darth mauled.
Q: Why do Twi'leks like to flip coins?
A: So that they can say, "Heads or tails!"
Q: Have you tried the gluten-free wookiee treats?
A: I heard they are a little Chewy.
Q: What time is it when an AT-AT steps on your chronometer?
A: Time to get a new chronometer.
Q: What did Darth Vader say when he walked into a vegetarian restaurant?
A: I find your lack of steak disturbing.
Q: Why is a droid mechanic never lonely?
A: Because he's always making new friends.
Q: What do you call a fight between film actors?
A: Star wars!
Q: What do Jawa's have that no other creature in the galaxy has?
A: Baby Jawas.
Q: How many Sith lords does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. They prefer the dark side.
Q: What do you call a person who brings a rancor its dinner?
A: The appetizer.
Q: What do you call a Sith Lord who likes to go fishing?
A: Darth Wader.
Q: Why do vornksrs stop slowly?
A: They're afraid of whiplash.
Q: What do you get when you cross a sith lord with an elephant?
A: An elevader.
Q: Why shouldn't you ask Yoda for money?
A: Because he's always a little short.
Q: Why can't a plant be on the darkside of the Force?
A: Because it can't make food without the light!
Q: What Star Wars DJ throws down the sickest beats?
A: Fettboy Slim.
Q: How do you get a Gungun pregnant?
A: And you thought they were dumb!
Q: Why do you call a stormtrooper in an ice cream truck?
A: Snow clone.
Q: What did Luke say when he found out Darth Vader was his father?
A: OH SITH !
Q: What do Jedi use to view PDF files?
A: Adobe Wan Kenobi
Q: What's the name of the worst cantina on Coruscant?
A: The Ackbar.
Q: What do you say to a Wampa during the holidays?
A: Merry Hoth-mas.
Q: What do you need to reroute droids?
A: R2-Detour!
Q: What do you call a sith lord that likes to swim? A: Darth Wader.
Q: How would a fat Rogue get into his X-wing?
A: He'd Wedge himself in.
Q: How many Corellians does it take to change a glowpanel?
A: None, if the room's dark, then you can't see them cheat at sabacc.
Luke and Obi-Wan are in a Chinise restaurant and Luke's having trouble.
Finally, Obi-Wan says, "Use the forks, Luke."
Unless you're a Jedi and it's a lightsaber, nothing looks good hanging off your belt.
You can tell a lot about somebody based on what color lightsaber they choose.
If at first you don't succeed, get a lightsaber and try again.
Comic Con should be on May the 4th.
Sticks and Clones may break my bones, but Finn will never hurt me.
I heard Jabba Desilijic Tiure is so fat that he ate a whole Pizza......Hut.
yo mama so hairy she's related to chewbacca.
A woman doesn't become a jedi, until she's good and Reydy.
Roses are red, violets are blue, if you don't like Star Wars, there's something wrong with you.
I threw a stormtrooper into the lake and he sunk like a clone.
I don't want to sound racist, but all stormtroopers look the same to me.
I don't like gluten-free wookiee treats..... they're a little Chewy.
I had a wookie burger last night. It tasted alright but the meat was a bit chewie.
Life would be better if instead of arguing, people lightsaber battled each other.
Narrator: The Jedi celebrate Independence Day on Nabbo.
Yoda: Beautiful day it is.
Anakin Skywalker: It really is.
Obi Wan Kenobi: There is only one thing I should say.
Yoda and Anakin: What?
Obi Wan Kenobi:"May the fourth be with you ".
Redneck Jedi
You may be a redneck jedi if....
Your landspeeder has a bumper-sticker that reads "I break for Wookies!"
Your lightsaber has been used to power a still.
You've ever eaten roadkill bantha stew.
You've made out with your sister and your dad wants to kill you.
You use the force to help your mother win at the bingo hall.
Your landspeeder has a blaster-rifle rack in the back window, bantha horns on the grill and a 4x4 off-road mode.
The inside of your x-wing smells worse than the outside (or inside) of a taun-taun.
You have an ewok hunting license.
Gungans can't understand "a word yousa-say-zin."
You have a tattoo of Obi-Wan Kenobi and under it reads "May the Force be with y'allways."
Sexy Quotes from Star Wars
A New Hope
'She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts, kid.'
'Curse my metal body, I wasn't fast enough!'
'Look at the size of that thing!'
'Sorry about the mess...'
'You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought.'
'Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?'
'You've got something jammed in here real good.'
"But now we must eat. come, good food, come..."
"That's okay, I'd like to keep it on manual control for a while."
"Hurry up, golden-rod..."
"I must've hit it pretty close to the mark to get her all riled up like that, huh kid?"
"Possible he came in through the south entrance."
"And I thought they smelled bad on the outside!"
"Control, control! You must learn control!"
'Put that thing away before you get us all killed!'
'Luke, at that speed do you think you'll be able to pull out in time?'
'Get in there you big furry oaf, I don't care what you smell!'
The Empire Strikes Back
"I thought that hairy beast would be the end of me."
"Size matters not. Judge me by my size, do you?"
"There's an awful lot of moisture in here."
Return of the Jedi
Han: "Hey, Luke, thanks for coming after me -- now I owe you one."
Han: "Back door, huh? Good idea!"
"We have orders to give it only to Jabba."
C3PO: "What could possibly have come over Master Luke? Is it something I did? He never expressed any unhappiness with my work."
Han :"Hey, point that thing someplace else."
Emperor: "I look forward to completing your training. I time you will call me master."
Leia: "You're a jittery little thing, aren't you?"
C3PO: "I never knew I had it in me."
Han: "Short help's better than no help at all."
Lando: "Someone must've told them about my little maneuver at the battle of Taanab."
Luke: "There is good in him, I've felt it."
C3PO: "If I told you half the things I've heard about this Jabba the Hutt, you'd probably short circuit."
Jerjerrod: "I assure you, Lord Vader, my men are working as fast as they can.
Darth Vader "Perhaps I can find new ways to motivate them."
Han :"Grab me, Chewie. I'm slipping -- hold on. Grab it, almost...you almost got it. Gently now, all right, easy, easy, hold me, Chewie. Chewie!"
Lando: "A little higher, just a little higher."
The Phantom Menace
Jar Jar: Mesa no watch. Dissen ganna be messy!
Capt. Panaka: Once we're inside, we shouldn't have a problem.
Darth Maul: At last we will reveal ourselves to the Jedi.
Jarr-Jarr: Oo! Icky icky goo!
Battle Droid: Roger Roger!
Obi-wan: You were right about one thing, master, the negotiations were short.
Yoda: How feel you?
Qui-Gon: Get down!
Jar Jar: Whoo, boy! This is tense!
Obi-Wan: Anakin and I can handle this.
Shmi: It is time for you to let go.
Pod Racer Announcer: Amazing... a controlled thrust and he's back on course!
Capt. Panaka:You can't take Her Royal Highness there!
Jar Jar: Oie boie...mesa comen. Mesa comen!
Oom-9: If they're down here, sir, we'll find them
Attack of the Clones
Captain Typho: You did your duty - Cord� did hers. Now come.
Jar Jar: ...and this, I take it, is your apprentice... Noooooooo! Annie? Noooooooo! Little bitty Annie? Noooooooo! Yousa so biggen! Yiyiyiyyi! Annie!!
Padm�: Annie? My goodness, you've grown.
Mace Windu: The prophecy is coming true, the Dark Side is growing.
Anakin: I don't like just waiting here for something to happen to her.
Obi-Wan: What took you so long?
Lama Su: Magnificent, aren't they?
Anakin: Let me help you with that.
Obi-Wan: Take the one the right. I'll take the one on the left.
Obi-Wan: She seems to be on top of things.
C-3PO: Artoo, what are you doing here? Wait! No! How dare you! You're pulling too hard.
Obi-Wan: Anakin and I can handle this.
Yoda: Handle that, your Padawan will.
Obi-Wan: Anakin! How many times have I told you to stay away from the power couplings! Slow down! Don't go through there!
Obi-Wan: Here. Next time try not to lose it.
Padm�: I'm sorry, Anakin. It's impossible to deny you've... ...that you've grown up.
Padm�: Don't try to grow up too fast.
Anakin: I am grown up. You said it yourself.
Padm�: We went to lightspeed a while ago.
Padm�: You were dreaming about your mother earlier, weren't you?
Revenge of the Sith
Anakin: Don't worry. I'm coming around behind you.
Anakin: Come on, Master.
Obi-Wan: ...why am I always the bait?
Obi-Wan: Get the Chancellor! I'm running out of tricks here.
Obi-Wan: Anakin, they're all over me!
Obi-Wan: I'm going down on the deck.
Obi-Wan: Hurry up! I don't like this!
Obi-Wan: Stay with me... swing back and right... help me engage.
Anakin: I'm coming around. I'm coming around on your tail.
Obi-Wan: These droids are all over me like a rash.
Obi-Wan: Just keep me steady... hold on... not yet... now break left.
Obi-Wan: You'll never get through there, Anakin. It's too tight.
Obi-Wan: Wait... wait... I can't see a thing! My cockpit's fogging. They're all over me, Anakin.
Obi-Wan: Your idea of safe is not the same as mine.
Obi-Wan: We'll never get through that. It's too small!
Obi-Wan: (To Anakin) This time we will do it together.
Count Dooku: Your moves are clumsy, Kenobi... too predictable. You'll have to do better.
Anakin: General Grievous... You're shorter than I expected.
Anakin: (to Obi-Wan) Are you coming, Master?
Bail Organa: I'll do everything I can with the Senate.
Mace: I don't think the boy can handle it.
C-3PO: Oh, it's you, Master Kenobi. Come in, quickly.
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