Mel Gibson Jokes
Q: Why did Mel Gibson beat Oksana Grigorieva?
A: Because Michael Richards called her a nagger!
Q: What was the original title of the 2010 animated film starring Steve Carell?
A: "Despicable Mel"
Q: Why did Mel Gibson's wife file for divorce?
A: Because he's no longer the jesus-freak anti-semitic wierdo she fell in love with!
Q: Why did Pope Benedict XVI exonerate Jewish people for the death of Jesus Christ?
A: So Mel Gibson would stop pretending he's Jesus!
Q: Why did Mel Gibson beat Oksana Grigorieva?
A: Because she forgot he's a racist misogynistic asshole!
Q: How has hard-liner Mahmoud Ahmadinejad won re-election in Iran?
A: Because he was endorsed by Mel Gibson a week before the election!
Q: Why is Mel Gibson blaming the Jews for his failed marriage?
A: Because thousands of Jewish attorneys volunteered to represent her!
Q: What the difference between Mel Gibson and a jug of water?
A: Water spills, Mel Gibson doesn't take enough pills
Q: Why did Mel Gibson buy a BMW?
A: More head room.
Q: Why did Mel Gibson threaten his wife with a knife?
A: Because the Jews took his gun!
Q: Why is the judge in the Mel Gibson custody case insisting Charlie work at a Red Lobster?
A: So he can learn how to batter fish instead of women!
Q: Who is a bigger "Winner": Women or Mel Gibson?
A: Women.....that's why he beats them!
Q: What did Mel Gibson say to Oksana Grigorieva after she got 2 black eyes?
A: Nothing he already told her twice!
Q: How did Mel Gibson pass his court ordered drug test?
A: They couldn't find any urine in his alcohol!
Q: "What do you call a guy that doesn't know how to use a condom?
A: Mel Gibson's dad"
Q: What is loud and hysterical?
A: Oksana Grigorieva after Mel Gibson beats her!
Q: How bad is Mel Gibson's meltdown?
A: So bad Al Gore is making a documentary about it!
Q: Following the Tiger Woods scandal why did Oksana Grigorieva move to modify her restraining order?
A: So she can hit Mel with a 9 iron!
Q: What does Mel Gibson do if the dishwasher stops working?
A: He HITS HER.
Q: Whats ironic about Mel Gibson's life?
A: After years of abusing alcohol, his liver, and kidneys the only thing he has had removed is his kids!
Q: A Recent poll state the most women wanted George Clooney to hit on them. Who was the least wanted?
A: Mel Gibson
Q: Why is it alright for Mel Gibson to insult women and use ethnic slurs and obscenities?
A: Because he's now a rapper!
Q: What would happen if Mel Gibson's blood alcohol level was any higher?
A: He would become a honorary Kennedy!
Q: How do you know that Mel Gibsons anti-semetic rants have gone too far?
A: Louis Farrakhan is even offended!
Restraining Order
Oksana Grigorieva and Mel Gibson have agreed to extend a restraining order requiring Mel to stay at least 300 yards from estranged girlfriend Oksana and their daughter.
Mel says he can guarantee that he won't get within 300 yards of them as long as they don't come within 300 yards of a bar or a liquor store.
Late Night
"Over the years, Mel Gibson has insulted Jews, African-Americans, and Mexicans. Don't worry, if he hasn't insulted your ethnicity yet, he'll get around with it."
-David Letterman
"Mr. Gibson announced today that he will be entering rehab -- the Betty Ford Center for his alcoholism, and I believe the Henry Ford Center For Anti-Semitism."
-Jon Stewart
My Agent
After a difficult day on the set Mel Gibson returns to his neighborhood and is shocked to find police and fire trucks surrounding the smoldering remains of his house.
Explaining who he was he asks "What happened?"
"Well," one of the officer's says, "It seems that your agent came by your house earlier today and while he was here he attacked your wife, assaulted your children, beat your dog and burned your house to the ground."
The actor is struck speechless, his jaw hanging open in disbelief, "My agent came to my house?"
Agents
One agent stops by another agent's table to tell him the big news: "Mel Gibson just died!"
The second agent says nothing, then starts nodding. "Good career move."
Star Cast
The producer of a low budget film is trying to convince the newly hired director of the quality of the work by telling him the big names they've gotten for the cast.
"First of all," he tells him, "We've got Clooney in the lead."
The director is surprised, "You got George Clooney?"
"Well, no," the Producer responds, "we got Marvin Clooney, he's a distant cousin who lives in Queens, but he's very up and coming. And besides, we've also got Redford."
"You got Robert Redford?" the director asks.
"No, we got Jeremy Redford, but he's very talented and has lots of acting experience from years of dinner theater. But," he says enthusiastically, " we've got Streisand and in a singing role."
"Barbara Streisand?" he asks.
"No, Elizabeth Streisand." The Producer responds. "But she's got a great voice. AND we've got Cage."
"You got Mel Gibson?" the director asks.
"Yeah," the producer replies glumly, "we got Mel Gibson."
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