Walrus Jokes
Q: What's the difference between yo mama and a walrus?
A: One smells and has a mustache and the other is a walrus.
Q: How do you tell the difference between a walrus and an orange?
A: Put your arms around it and squeeze it. If you don't get orange juice, it's a walrus.
Q: What's the difference between a walrus and a banana?
A: You'd better find out, because if you ever try to peel a walrus.
Q: What's a balanced diet for a walrus?
A: A seal in each paw!
Q: What has 5 flippers and 3 tusks?
A: A walrus with spare parts!
Q: What did the walrus say when it was late?
A: "I would have been here sooner, but my iceberg hit a ship."
Q: What does a Walrus get from sitting on the ice too long?
A: Polaroids!
Q: What's the difference between a redhead and a walrus?
A: One has whiskers and fishy flaps, and the other is a walrus!
Q: Why do walrus' swim in salt water?
A: Because pepper water makes them sneeze!
Q: What do you get when you put John Lennon and Lewis Carroll in a room?
A: Two people claiming "I am the walrus!"
Q: What did the grape say when the walrus stood on it?
A: Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
Q: What's the difference between a straight and gay walrus?
A: The smell of their mustache.
Q: What do you call a walrus in a phone booth?
A: Stuck.
Q: What do you call a walrus that flies?
A: A jumbo jet.
Q: What weights 2 tons and rolls around?
A: A walrus on a skateboard.
Q: How do you know a walrus is under your bed?
A: Your nose gets cold because it's squished against the top of your igloo.
Q: Where do walrus' go to see movies?
A: The dive-in!
A walrus walks into Sea World and says whale whale whale what have we here.
Trained Walrus
I man with a walrus on a leash flopping along behind him walked into a bar. He pointed with his cane at the patrons and announced:
"This is an amazing Canadian trained walrus. Buy me a drink and I will show you the most amazing thing! She's fantastic!"
So a guy buys him a drink. The man looks down at the walrus. The walrus looks back at the man.
Then the man whacks the walrus on the head with a cane!
The walrus immediately sits up on her tail and unzips the man's pants. She pulls out his tent pole and services it, rolling her eyes and using just a little tusk.
As the man groans with pleasure, the walrus cleans him off with a napkin and rezips his pants.
"Now, would any of you like to try it? Just buy me another beer," the man says.
One fellow raises his hand. "Sure, man, I'll try it...but please...don't hit me with that stick!"
Religious Eskimo
The devout eskimo lost his favorite Bible while he was ice fishing.
Three weeks later, a walrus walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth.
The eskimo couldn't believe his eyes.
He took the precious book out of the walrus's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!"
"Not really," said the baby walrus. "Your name is written inside the cover."
Night of Drinking
A man and his pet walrus walk into a bar. It's about 5pm, but they're ready for a good night of drinking.
They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other.
Finally, the bartender says: "Last call."
So, the man says, "One more for me... and one more for my walrus."
The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the walrus falls over dead.
The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave.
The bartender, yells: "Hey buddy, you can't just leave that lyin' there."
To which the man replies: "That's not a lion, that's a walrus."
Movies
A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a walrus sitting next to him.
"Are you a walrus?" asked the man, surprised.
"Yes."
"What are you doing at the movies?"
The walrus replied, "Well, I liked the book."
Front Seat
A policeman in the big city stops a man in a car with a baby walrus in the front seat.
"What are you doing with that walrus?" He exclaimed, "You should take it to the zoo."
The following week, the same policeman sees the same man with the walrus again in the front seat, with both of them wearing sunglasses. The policeman pulls him over.
"I thought you were going to take that walrus to the zoo!"
The man replied, "I did. We had such a good time we are going to the beach this weekend!"
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