Pig Jokes
Q: What do you call a pig thief?
A: A hamburglar.
Q: How do pigs write top secret messages?
A: With invisible oink!
Q: What do you get when you play Tug-of-War with a pig?
A: Pulled-Pork
Q: What is a pig's favorite color?
A: Mahogany!
Q: What do you get when you cross a frog and a pig?
A: A lifetime ban from the Muppet Show studio.
Q: What do you call a pig with no legs?
A: A groundhog.
Q: Why was the pig ejected from the football game?
A: For playing dirty.
Yesterday a pig invited me to see his new home. Actually it was quite stylish.
Q: Why did the pig cross the road?
A: He got BOARed.
Q: Who is the smartest pig in the world?
A: Ein- swine
Q: How do you take a sick pig to the hospital?
A: In an hambulance!
Q: What do you call a pig that drives recklessly?
A: A road hog.
Q: What do you call a pig with laryngitis?
A: Disgruntled.
Q: What did the pig say when he was sick?
A: "Call the hambulance!"
Q: What do pigs get when they're ill?
A: Oinkment!
Q: What do you call a pig that does karate?
A: Porkchop!
Q: What do you get when you cross a pig and a cactus?
A: a porky-pine
Q: What do you call a pig that won the lottery?
A: Filthy rich!
What do you call the story of The Three Little Pigs?
A: A pig tail!
Q: What do you call it when you cross a dinosaur and a pig?
A: Jurassic pork!
Q: What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu?
A: If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment.
Q: What do you get when you cross a pig with a dinosaur?
A: A porkasaurus rex!
Q: What happened to the pig who lost its voice?
A: It became disgruntled!
Q: What happened when the pig pen broke?
A: The pigs had to use a pencil!
Q: Which magazine does the Big Bad Wolf like to read?
A: "Porks Illustrated!"
Q: What do you call a pig with a rash?
A: Ham and Eczema
Q: Why did it take the pig hours to cross the road?
A: Because he was a slow-pork!
Q: Why did the farmer call his pig ink?
A: Because it always ran out of the pen!
Q: What do you get when a pig mixed two colors?
A: pigment
Q: What did the piglet want from the swine?
A: A piggyback ride.
Q: Why should you never tell a pig a secret?
A: Because they love to squeal!
Q: Where do pigs get together?
A: The meet market.
Q: What happens when you cross a pig with a Democrat?
A: Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do.
Q: Who wears a dirty white robe and rides a pig?
A: Lawrence of Poland.
Q: How do you make a pig squeal?
A: Kick your step mum in the FACE!
Q: What's worse than a male chauvinist pig?
A: A woman that won't do what she's told.
Q: Why can't men get mad cow disease?
A: Because men are pigs
Q: What do you call a pig thats wrong?
A: Mistaken bacon.
Q: Where can a pig see the statue of Liberty?
A: New pork city.
Q: What do you call a pig that likes to take off her clothes?
A: Bacon strips.
Q: What do Bad Piggies like to do?
A: Squeal the spotlight.
Q: What do you get when you cross a pig and a tortoise?
A: A slow-pork.
What do you call a pig that's not fun to be around?
A boar.
Where do flying pigs go?
Hogworts
Q: What do you call a black pig standing in the hot sun all day?
A: Smoked Sausage
What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede?
Bacon and Legs.
Q: How do you stop a warthog from charging?
A: Take away his credit card!
Q: What would happen if pigs could fly?
A: The price of bacon would go skyrocket.
Q: What happens when you put a pig in a musical?
A: It squeals the show.
Why did the farmer make the pigs do the paperwork?
Because it was grunt work.
What do you call a trendy pig?
Calvin Swine.
Do you want to hear a dirty joke?
A pig fell in the mud.
Do you want to hear a clean joke?
A pig took a bath.
Spell pig backwards g i p get it g i pee
If you eat like a pig, sweat like a pig, and squeal like a pig, then you must taste like bacon.
If a pig loses its voice, does it become disgruntled?
Glass Of Lemonade
One little pig walked into a bar one day and asked the bartender for a glass of lemonade then he asked where the toilet was the bartender said "Down the hall to the left straight ahead".
Then another pig walked into the bar and asked the bartender for a glass of lemonade then he asked where the toilet was once again the bartender said "Down the hall to the left straight ahead".
Another pig walked into the bar and asked for a glass of lemonade and then the bartender asked "Don't you want to know where the toilet is".
"No I'm the little pig that went wewewe all the way home".
Bartender
A woman walks into a bar with a duck under her arm.
Barman says "Worry we don't serve pigs in here,"
The lady says "Its not a pig its a duck"
The barman says "I am talking to the duck."
Religious Cowboy
The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range.
Three weeks later, a pig walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth.
The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes.
He took the precious book out of the pig's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!"
"Not really," said the pig. "Your name is written inside the cover."
Night of Drinking
A man and his pet pig walk into a bar. It's about 5pm, but they're ready for a good night of drinking.
They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other.
Finally, the bartender says: "Last call."
So, the man says, "One more for me... and one more for my pig."
The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the pig falls over dead.
The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave.
The bartender, yells: "Hey buddy, you can't just leave that lyin' there."
To which the man replies: "That's not a lion, that's a pig."
Movies
A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a pig sitting next to him.
"Are you a pig?" asked the man, surprised.
"Yes."
"What are you doing at the movies?"
The pig replied, "Well, I liked the book."
Cold Winter
In the winter a man says to his wife:
"Should we get the pig inside, it is freezing out there."
"But it stinks", says the wife to which the husband replies:
"He will get used to it!"
Front Seat
A policeman in the big city stops a man in a car with a pig in the front seat.
"What are you doing with that pig?" He exclaimed, "You should take it to the zoo."
The following week, the same policeman sees the same man with the pig again in the front seat, with both of them wearing sunglasses. The policeman pulls him over.
"I thought you were going to take that pig to the zoo!"
The man replied, "I did. We had such a good time we are going to the beach this weekend!"
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