Chimp Jokes
Q: What is a monkey's favorite cookie?
A: Chocolate chimp!
Who is the Chimps favourite President of recent years?
Hairy Truman!
Why did the Chimpanzee fail English?
He had little Ape-titude!
Q: What is a chimp's favourite Christmas carol?
A: Jungle Bells!
Q: What did the orangutan say to the chimp?
A: Ginger's the new black!
Q: What is sweet smelling, but cheeky?
A: A chim-pansy!!
Q: What do chimps do in the club?
A: Make it Plantain.
Q: What does a logger say before he cuts down a tree?
A: Let the chimps fall where they may.
Q: Did you hear about the awful jungle party?
A: Somebody forgot to bring the chimps and dip.
Q: Where do chimpanzees keep their babies?
A: In apricots!
Q: What do you call a Chimpanzee that works in a bar?
A: A Monkey Wench.
Q: What do you call a chimp playing quidditch?
A: A hairy potter!!
Q: What do you call a baby monkey?
A: A Chimp off the old block.
Q: What did the male chimp say to the female chimp?
A: I go bananas over you!
Q: Which day do cheeky chimps like best?
A: Ape-ril fools day!
Q: What's a chimp's favourite type of computer?
A: an Ape-le mac!
Q: What do chimps do when they're mad at each other?
A: They have a Gorilla war!
Q: What's a Chimp's favourite month?
A: Ape-ril!
Q: Why did the chimp go to the doctor?
A: Because his banana wasn't peeling very well!
Q: What do chimps read?
A: The 'apers
Q: What's a chimp's favourite drink?
A: A sas-gorilla.
Q: Why didn't anyone listen to the zookeepers complaints?
A: Because he had a chimp on his shoulder.
Q: What do you call a fat chimp?
A: A chunky monkey.
Q: How do you catch a squirel chimp?
A: Climb up a tree and act like a nut!
Q: What do chimps wear when they are cooking?
A: Ape-rons!
Q: How do chimps get down the stairs?
A: They slide down the banana-ster!
Q: What do chimps do when they go mad?
A: Go bananas!
Q: What's a chimp's favourite pop group?
A: Bananarama!
Q: What is a chimps's favourite toy?
A: A Bab-boom-orang!
Q: What sort of key does a chimp need to open a banana?
A: A monk-key!
Q: What did the chimp say to the other monkey that went crazy?
A: You've gone completely ape!
Q: What do you call a monkey that succeeds at every sport?
A: A chimpion!
Q: Where do chimps like to get their hair cut?
A: Vidal Baboon!
Q: What's a chimpanzee's favourite music band?
A: The Gorillaz!
Q: What does a zookeeper need when a lion escapes its habitat?
A: A bargaining chimp.
Q: What did the banana say to the chimp?
A: Nothing, bananas don't talk!
Q: What happens when monkeys overrun a casino?
A: You cash in your chimps.
Religious Cowboy
The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range.
Three weeks later, a chimpanzee walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth.
The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes.
He took the precious book out of the chimpanzee's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!"
"Not really," said the chimpanzee. "Your name is written inside the cover."
Night of Drinking
A man and his pet chimpanzee walk into a bar. It's about 5pm, but they're ready for a good night of drinking.
They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other.
Finally, the bartender says: "Last call."
So, the man says, "One more for me... and one more for my chimpanzee."
The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the chimpanzee falls over dead.
The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave.
The bartender, yells: "Hey buddy, you can't just leave that lyin' there."
To which the man replies: "That's not a lion, that's a chimpanzee."
Movies
A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a chimpanzee sitting next to him.
"Are you a chimpanzee?" asked the man, surprised.
"Yes."
"What are you doing at the movies?"
The chimpanzee replied, "Well, I liked the book."
Front Seat
A policeman in the big city stops a man in a car with a chimpanzee in the front seat.
"What are you doing with that chimpanzee?" He exclaimed, "You should take it to the zoo."
The following week, the same policeman sees the same man with the chimpanzee again in the front seat, with both of them wearing sunglasses. The policeman pulls him over.
"I thought you were going to take that chimpanzee to the zoo!"
The man replied, "I did. We had such a good time we are going to the beach this weekend!"
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