I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark.
Why is Santa so jolly?
Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops?
Guardians of the Galaxy.
What does a nosey pepper do?
Gets jalapeno business!
Life is s( o )( o ) much funnier when you have a dirty mind.
Did you hear about the Italian chef that died?
He pasta way.
We cannoli do so much.
His legacy will become a pizza history.
Why did the hipster burn his tongue?
Because he ate his food before it was cool.
What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree?
Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job!
Police Officer: "How high are you?"
Stoner: "No officer, it's "Hi, How are you?"
I love Pandas, they're so chill. They're like "Dude, racism is stupid. I'm White, Black, and Asian....."
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